Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my post and respond. I appreciate it so much and have been trying to read everyone's threads when I can. I was reading this forum all during my last chemo infusion, lol.
I have searched for legal aid in my area and reached out to many organizations. I had always heard there was legal help for divorce, but the sad truth is that lawyers will only work pro bono in cases involving children and/or domestic violence.
I spent several thousand dollars trying to give H the divorce he's claimed to want for the past 3 years. I am now broke. I have cancer and I don't have two nickels to rub together.
And now I can't do anything without a lawyer because H has disappeared so the hope of coming to an agreement with him directly is dead.
I had been having trouble even getting a free consult with a lawyer as I've already been at this for a while and my situation is a bit complicated, what with H moving to another state and me moving out of state and then back here.
I was able to get a quick return phone call from a lawyer last week who basically flat out told me that there is no obligation to carry a spouse on your health insurance, and that in the event of a divorce he wouldn't be able to carry me any longer anyway. Since I moved back to my home state, I have crappy insurance through the state, and so in the eyes of the court, it's not that much of a problem.
He advised me to absolutely not call H's employer, as the employer has no obligation to cover me on H's insurance and it could be construed as harassment, and they don't know the situation so if I tell them H abandoned me and left me without coverage, it will just sound like I'm a scorned wife trying to hurt H's reputation. (Even though I agree with you, Lifes Twist, I am his legal wife and he did abandon me. I just don't have many legal rights in this situation.)
If I had the money to pay for a lawyer, they could file the divorce citing abandonment and if there's a ruling that H should cover me or pay support, then his pay could be attached. But like I said, I spent literally every penny I had trying to move things forward while I was living in the other state waiting to reach the residency requirement of 6 months. And then once I was within days of reaching the residency requirement to file for D, I got diagnosed with cancer and had to move back home.
Since H and I don't have children, don't own any property and we've been separated now for 2.5 years, I have virtually no rights.
What bothers me the most is that H and I were conversing cordially and there was no animosity or fighting. When we did communicate, he was extremely distant and I stayed detached but it wasn't like he hated me. He sometimes texted me pictures of my dog, who I miss so much it's unbelievable. A month before my diagnosis, he even shared with me a story about a person he knows at the place he's been working on the weekends. He even wished me a happy birthday over the summer (well, he texted me and told me the dog wished me a happy birthday, but close enough). That was just a few weeks after my diagnosis. I replied and just said thank you. And then he just disappeared.
I wasn't pressuring him. I left him to his new life and never interfered. I was just trying to move things forward legally. I never, ever mentioned OW - as if she doesn't exist. I never asked questions about his new life. I kept it strictly business.
Then I got diagnosed with cancer and now he's gone.
I have to think the reason he vanished without giving me his new phone number is because he knows he's living in a financial house of cards and is so desperate, he'd rather cut me out of his life completely than risk that house of cards falling over.
I don't believe it's because he's avoiding divorce. It's not that he doesn't want me out of his life. It's just that he wants me out of his life without having to pay anything. And in his irrational MLC mind, the way to achieve that is to simply disappear and hide out, as if hiding out long enough will make me just go away.
It really does hurt sometimes, knowing that the man I thought I would grow old with doesn't care whether I live or die.
I really don't know what to do. I still have several months of treatment ahead of me. And then I'll have to rebuild my entire life from scratch. I'll be alone, recovering from a long and difficult course of cancer treatment, praying to stay in remission, without a job or a place to live.
And yet, still married. But not really "married." Even when I have to fill out forms for insurance or hospital paperwork and it asks my marital status, I always stop and wonder how to answer. There's no option for "married to a ghost."
Part of me thinks that he's being allowed to just continue on and on in replay with no consequences because I can't afford to divorce him.
