Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change

[mleigh4]

Hello. Hope you all are enjoying your weekend. We are getting a mix of rain and sunshine here, but it smells like Spring! I so look forward to bringing my backyard to life again to enjoy it!

I have been under the weather all week. Feel better one moment, then worse the next. I was too excited to miss the divorce group so I was able to go. I loved it. I instantly felt connected with everyone there. The things that were being shared and discussed were just like being here in real life. Every person says their spouse has turned into someone they don't know.

The good thing I noticed is that I have been through a lot of the phases so far. They are all 8 to 9 months into separation and divorce. One lady just six weeks. Here I was saying 4 years! But as they talked and the group leader was giving them coping advice, it was the same advice we get here. I also was able to add some examples of what helped me through some tough times, I realized I can be a help to them along with my own healing. The group leader assured that this should help me through my next phase. When she said she understood my anger, resentment and confusion being 4 years in and still married, and wondering what am I? Married? Single? I just new, these people get it. She said I would be further in the process if 4 years divorced vs 4 years separated....true. But I don't regret for a moment taking that time and I know for sure I am ready to move on. She said my situation is not uncommon.

One thing she told us, is to have faith, that we have been taken out of this situation for a reason, that there is a better plan for us. It is a faith based group through the church, but she is twice divorced, her current husband also divorced. She said she never imagined how happy she could be with her current husband, and that everything she went through brought a peace and faithfulness out in her that she never had. So true and so much of what we learn here! I can't wait for my next class.

S 11th bday was yesterday. I spent 1/2 day with him, then he went to his dad's. He didn't want any kind of party, just his buddy over, which H hosted at his place. FIL wanted to take him out to lunch, so they went today, with H and MIL.( Funny how she is now in the picture with FIL. )That kind of stung, I wasn't invited. Honestly though, not sure I would have gone. This is exactly what I need to get used to, and it's not about me. I made S a birthday breakfast and didn't invite any of them, so it's just the new norm. At 10:09 last night, I texted S that at this moment 11 years ago, I was given the best gift of my life, that I love him. He texted me back love you too.

At drop off today, I asked H if he had given any more thought to going through mediation or just using a paralegal. He said he thinks we can be cordial through this, he doesn't really understand how mediation works, he said the cheapest simplest way is best and up to me. I have been giving it lots of thought myself. I worry he won't show up for mediation appointments. Mediation would entail a 30 minute drive and hours of time off work, and possible interference with S school schedule.....paralegal is right in town and I can do the appointments on my own. I had decided that I am willing to start that way, and if we hit any bumps, then we can move on to mediation or a lawyer. H agreed.

I asked H, are you willing to let us stay in the house until S finishes high school? He said he isn't thrilled about it, but he doesn't want to make S move out of his home, and he knows it would be near impossible for me to buy or rent anything around here, he mentioned what his mom is going through with her house and having to move away because of home prices, so he said yes, that's fine.

I am ready to contact the paralegal and file now. While talking, I was proud of us. Very calm and kind to each other. I didn't feel any anger bubbling up, just a very strong desire to disconnect myself from him. I think between my support here and my new friends in my support group, I can get through this. I know he may change and monster, but I am willing to give cordial a chance. At least I can finally get the ball rolling.

Thanks for listening and for everything I have learned here!
M