New LBS, not sure if he's having LMC

[meg24]

Journaling here, to build my strength against R talks when H comes tonight.

Since my last post Friday, well I've been up and down. I was half asleep when H came home later than usual Friday. He came into bedroom for minute, I asked if it was still raining out, should be turning to snow any time. H went back to kitchen, I fell asleep. All night long I could feel H put his hand on my hip, same things he's done pretty much every night of our marriage (except for the last 2 months, he's only done that maybe 25% of the time, when he's slept in our bed).

Very early Saturday morning I vaguely here him up moving around (this is his new Saturday routine, get up and leave before I'm awake), then leave. I woke up a bit later. Noticed he took the stack of boxes of his clothes that had been sitting packed since Tuesday night. But he didn't take anything else. Everything looks like he'll be back in the evening, for weekly family dinner (he said Tuesday he would attend).

Dinner time comes, text H if he will make it, all kids are home. 30 minutes later and no reply, decided not to make the kids wait any more. Then he texts that he won't make it back up the hill till Sunday afternoon.

Today, Sunday. H left work lunchbox in usual spot, I opened to pull out trash. Saw his daily planner and log book. Didn't think anything of it. Every year he gets a new planner to write work hours in, but only uses it for a week or 2 then stops. I know I shouldn't have, but something in me decided to open it. He just started writing work hours in the past 2 weeks, and daily entries started with the birthday of some female friend on facebook. Someone I've never met. But, prior to my self-imposed exhile from FB, I saw many comments on H's posts back and forth between her and H. Funny thing, our s17's birthday was the day before hers, but he didn't have that marked, nor any of the other kids' birthdays either (he always has trouble remembering their birthdays). But he sure made a point to write hers down. So I looked forward a bit in the calendar, at least he wrote down the day I'm having my minor outpatient surgery so he can take me (like he said. But I'm still expecting him to back out, and not tell me until the day before, but I'm ready, I have a back up). It's taking every ounce of energy I have not to log in to FB to see what he's posting (haven't been on in almost 2 weeks).

H will be home this evening, not sure for how long. I don't want to have any R talks, but something inside of me is chomping at the bit. We do need to talk about finances and putting his visits on the calendar for s21. I need strength.