Thank you. Does DB have a general guideline on pa or ea...
No, although each sitch is different. Generally an EA is very destructive to a WW. It's wayward behaviour of a very intense type. I have known EA on the board where the OM isn't even interested, (MCS for instance).
It is the waywardness that is destructive.
Sometimes when a PA starts it's such a let down, the A goes poof, or there is an STD or another woman. Reality bites.
In general men can think it's only an EA, only physical infidelity counts. That just simply isn't so where the WW is concerned.
should the lbs find out the truth.
In my view yes. Firstly if it's a PA your health can be at risk, secondly as an LBS you have choices and decisions to make. This requires INTEL, once you know then you will never unknow.
The core is knowing whether you have a WAW or a WW. I can not emphasise enough to Newbies that the difference is important. Vital to know. A WAW should never be treated as a WW. A WAW can see your shift, desire to work on the M and often these M can be saved with the right permanent shifts. Many M have been saved with DB.
A WW is a whole different kettle of fish, usually very nasty kettle of rotten parts.
Obviously it might be better for somenot to know...and that could even apply to me! But ive alwaysbfelt that the only way to deal with a problem effectively to know the truth.
I agree.
But maybs all the DB is rubbing off. Because as i write this, the essence of what ive read, is to focus on my children and me
100% yes. Children come first. This process is all about the things you can do, which is about you. This is self centred, not to be confused with selfish. You put your own life jacket on first.
Dont be rude to my wife, listen when she wants to talk, but certainly dont chase.
Yes, and know your boundaries.
If we are going to find our relationship again, its going to be by understanding how we got here and changing behaviors that suit both our needs!
So, so correct.
Im new, but i feel im learning.
These are great, great insights. I had Sandi rules laminated on a card. If you read my sitch you will find I gave each one marks out of 10. I tracked it. Without DB and my tribe here I would not be around. I truly believe that.
It's early days but these are realisations that took me at least a year to understand and know. The rules are the way to execute your understanding.
Prob what makes it difficult is BD was recent and we live together, sleep together, and she doesnt want to announce anything to anyone. I really sense that shes not sure what she wants, but that she also likes the emotional safety of the status quo. I know that shes fearful of things turning old and stale if we got back together.
That seems like a sound analysis although beware of mind reading. You working on you consistently will change the dynamic considerably. It takes one to Tango.
I guess im struggling with wanting to connect with my wife emotionally and execute db technique!
Yes, you would not be here working on you if that were not the case.
You have the gift of time. This takes shift from you and shift is permanent.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
