WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

Also, to add: I want to clarify that, in a vacuum, i would not necessarily worry about or object to these after work get-togethers at all. (Unless they were just one on one with her and doctor, which they have not been and which she says she wouldn't do). They are not behind closed doors, or in secret, everyone in the office of approximately 30-35 people knows about them and apparently thinks nothing of them, and same goes for this doctor's wife. And, quite frankly, it is from the perspective of the Dr's wife, who apparently has no probleme with it... that i have a problem with it. I just think that putting myself in her shoes, if i was a woman... I'd be pretty concerned... more than concerned... about it. But i have never been to these so maybe i am missing something. At any rate, if W and I were "solid"-- no issues, no recent affair, confident in our MR, I wouldn't bat an eyelash at this... and wouldn't have batted an eyelash about it prior to things "going bad" with us... especially after W explained the dynamic and where they happened and who all came to them, etc.

Now, i understand that i am not in a vacuum, and that W has some responsibility to comport herself in certain ways but... I am the only one on the planet, apparently, who thinks this looks at least a little weird-- again mostly from the standpoint of the doctor's W.

From my own standpoint, the only reason it gives me pause is because i was (and still am, a bit) concerned that my W is not fully cognizant of the importance of respecting certain boundaries, especially given her past behavior. But, then again, if I have misconstrued or overblown these "Wine Downs", that may not be a terribly valid concern, either.

At least, thankfully, W seemed receptive to discussing the topic of boundaries, her previous violation of such boundaries, and the fact that her past behavior might impact where such boundaries should be for her, at least in the short term.

But she, and apparently everyone else on the planet, seems to think these things, as a social event, are harmless.



Oh, and another topic that came up at MC-- W asked me, when we started talking about the "Wine Downs": "I sometimes wonder if maybe it's just that you feel... left out, though maybe that is not the proper term. Maybe more that you have to be there and that you don't trust any social situation where i am alone and you are not there."

I found this an interesting take, especially the way she phrased it as "feeling left out"-- which sounded very VERY much like something bff (who has a dim view of me to begin with) would say-- and i told her as much, and also that i did not have any feelings of being "left out" and thought it important for BOTH of us to have our own friends and lives to bring to the MR, and to be able to do things, within appropriate bounds, on our own. Also told her, as i indicated above, that my objections or concerns were not related to any particular activity or place or event (with notable exception of girls weekends with bff), but rather with the more general idea that she did not previously recognize what the appropriate boundaries were with OM, and that she still might not recognize those boundaries and that that might put our progress and our MR at risk. She seemed to understand what i said, here, and accept it.



Dang, I just got a nice full-body hug. Heading out to go pick up my older son and College for spring break, I was talking with wife in the kitchen before I left, and she just looked really good, long blonde hair kind of tousled up, still in her boots and jeans from work... Just felt right so I said "Come here..." and pulled her in and gave her a hug which she didn't fight or Shrink frog and in fact reciprocated full body.

And I pulled away and said "now put those glasses back on and give me something to dream about." ( I had been teasing her earlier in a good-natured way about how she really have the sexy librarian thing going on tonight when she put on her glasses). She smiled and kind of dropped her head a little and said "get out of here" with a little push.

It was a nice moment. Staying over tonight in my son's college town and coming back early tomorrow morning.

Just thought I'd throw something positive out there on the boards since I've been leaning a little negative the last day or so