I know how tough it is to walk to the pain. I do believe that facing this pain allows us to transcend it. It makes great sense to heal as well as we can.
I am so blessed with loving family and friends. It is such a gift to be given so much love and kindness. I am full of gratitude.
It is very wintery here in the UK, I took a sauna and then went into the snow and ice to waken my senses. The contrast is envigorating and creates great wakefulness. I am glad that the season of pain and grief is a shared one. That those who understand the troubles of loss also understand the joy of healing.
The one thing this whole awful mess has given me is the chance to understand the dynamic of sharing authenticity.
I made a decision that I would be authentic and share the good and bad of life. It is raw and hurtful, like a bad graze that's infected with an itchy scab. Sometimes that's very hard because it is my nature to be contained and reserved. So it's a struggle to share.
I fear the damage I might do by this although I know from my own lurking and reading that only half a story is of little assistance. There are many happy endings here although they are rarely the expected ending. Your story and journey is one such for in being you and walking to your pain then you have had the glimmer and eventually the realisation of yourself.
For truly this journey is about ourselves and our healing. It is those loving giving souls on our path that support us in our search for self, to become the best we can be. We can but accept and pay it forward.
Jellyb you are a very important peer in my life, one of my tribe capable of loving dreams and with a wonderful future to come. An empath with an open heart, I once gave you a symbol of your heart, pink and glorious. I know the struggles, the illness and the work on healing. The self doubt and questioning which is a part of growth.
Some times I fear I am cursed and it saddens me. Those choices I made that I would so want to unmade, but to undo those would mean different losses and because of this alone my path would not be changed.
I have tried to forgive the G for fear I will not be forgiven. I know that I have no forgiveness in my heart in that quarter, but I know I no longer want karma and to chop his liver into pieces. I am reaching a place of indifference, which is down the road from detachment. I no longer will even observe.
So be it.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
