Nice guy Syndrome!

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WindyC - thanks for your post. While I’m sure the specifics are different, there are many similarities in what my W would describe led her to feel the hopelessness to ultimately request a separation.

You know, it really hit home when you gave a comparison of a boss complaining of lateness over and over versus a W letting her H know of issues she has again and again. . For me, just like many men, I would respond with the right change at work, but the wrong response at home with my W.

Same goes for contentious issues. At work I listen and try to understand the other side and come to a win-win solution as much as possible. At home it can get heated and defensive, ending in a lose-lose scenario.

That blows my mind. Work is obviously important, but not more important than the wellbeing of my marriage. Yet my marriage is in shambles while my career flourishes.

I’m aware that I’ve more likely than not shown up far too late in marriage to be able to win my W back from that sense of hopelessness. I’m moving on as clearly what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working. If this was a work situation I would have moved on long ago. Obviously with marriage the emotions are hotter than work, but I really wished I could go back and changed the way I responded to my W back when she was grasping for me to be there for her. I feel crestfallen that I excelled at work while my marriage fell apart.

Thank you for your perspective.