WAS vs MLC...not sure it really matters, part 3

[skyhigh]

It seems that he is the one making the rules about your "piecing" situation...

Piecing is when 2 people are trying to reconnect at their own pace while doing their best to respect each other feelings and boundaries. It's tough, it's slow but it improves gradually with time. Piecing also is when the one who wronged someone is trying his best to follow the boundaries (reasonable) that he wronged one demanded so trust and feeling can be rebuild. It seems he pushed away your demands... he wants it is own way.

Did you ever think about telling him that you are not satisfied with the way he is ignoring blatantly your boundaries and it makes you feel very unsafe and it triggers strong reactions in you. Also, you understand that he needs time to work on his issues but your feelings should be taken into consideration too since you were the one hurt. Piecing is having those conversations where there is an active talking/listening from both side not only one, when the Wayward is not trying not keep justifying his past behavior on the cheated one and when the cheated one is not bringing the affair non stop.

Nobody makes changes voluntarily because usually it's painful and somehow it means losing something. I am not talking about an ultimatum but making him becoming aware that you are not going to accept to be disrespected that way anymore because it's having a negative effect on your own personal mental health. You might tell him that you understand that he needs to work on himself but you need help too within that process from him and you are reaching a point where you feel that your needs/feelings are being put aside/ignored because he is solely focused on himself (selfish) so you might need to ....(your choice).

Now are you ready to have that conversation? Are you ready to walk you if he decides that his way only and/or he tells you "that's my way or we need to part"? Do you want an equal relationship or at least a balanced one to start or being told "that the way it is"? Did you like all the changes you made on yourself during those 2 years? Do you have a deadline in your mind? Does that new relationship which you are working on make you feel respected and safe? Do you feel he might cross the line again since he is still very borderline with his female friendship?

I am talking to you as a dear friend, the ultimate goal of those questions is to stir your mind so you can come to a decision or at least a step by step plan. It's so tough to think when you are IN the situation. I am not trying to tell you what you should do, because that's your life I am just bringing my outside brainstorming mind to help you with your decision whatever it will be. Also nothing is set in stone in life, you might take a decision one day and have to change it or make some modification on it the next.

You deserve to be happy so try to find where your happiness and peace of mind might be at their best.
((((BIG HUGS)))