It's been a few weeks since I posted. My husband has still done nothing to move forward with the divorce which is a relief because I didn't feel mentally strong enough to go through with it immediately. Things have been more peaceful. My husband doesn't seem angry any more and we've been able to briefly talk normally. Last weekend I took my daughter out-of-town and my husband called to see how it's going and said to let him know if we need anything. That might not sound significant, but it's the first time in months that he's expressed even remote concern for my daughter and I. I posted a while back that my husband talked about visiting us when we move and staying with us and we can do things together. He talked about re-marrying in the future and how there's a 50% chance we'll get back together, despite the fact that he's expressed no interest in doing so any time soon. I assume, although have no way to know, that he's still dating the 26 year old nurse with whom he works.
I still don't feel very stable but I have a close friend with whom I talk frequently now and it's the first time I've felt a little better. For months it felt like I'm bothering someone every time I call them, but now one of my friends started to call and I began to feel like someone cares. The only issue is this is a male friend, an old friend who I've known for decades, so sometimes it's confusing wondering about his intentions. As far as I know we're just friends and he either feels sorry for me or feels lonely as well.
I still see a therapist every week and I still need to do a few more health tests, but my health is a little more stable. I still feel like I'm probably clinically depressed. I'm trying to exercise with my daughter and do as much as possible to give her a normal enriching life. We're supposed to move in April and I hope to start working quickly.
So those are my updates. I guess things could deteriorate at any time but I'm trying to survive the uncertainty and accept that I'll be alone for possibly a long time. I'll turn 40 in April and this is the complete opposite of how my life was a year ago. A year ago my husband was supporting me in the business I started, we were building a house, and we were living a relatively normal life. I guess we can't take anything for granted. I just wish I had foreseen what would happen and acted differently to be the best wife I could be, and to be more forgiving of my husband's previous affair. If that had happened the momentum may have gone in a more positive direction.
I will try to respond more to other posts soon....there are so many new members that I don't recognize anyone and I need to read the new posts from the beginning. I hope soon!
