I'm taking it that the point for us LBSs is to be ready to pull the plug?
Steve, I didn't want you to read it as way to lean some new strategy in your M. That should not be the goal or purpose behind it. I had hoped you could determine if you had the same traits as the book describes, b/c if you do.....then it affects all your relationships in life (personal, impersonal, business, etc.). Of course, it will affect your most intimate relationship the most.
It is not to share with your W. At least, not while going through this crisis. It is strictly for you. It is to see yourself and why/how you operate in relationships the way you do. Not only to help you see, but hopefully, you would know what to change........b/c if you continue to repeat what isn't working in your relationships, your life won't change for the better.
Quote:
How important is it that she not know I am reading the DR book?
It's very important. Of course you can read the DR, or any other book without her seeing you. Come on.....that's just an excuse. Why would you need to pull it out in fron of her to read it? Leave the house, or go home later after work in order to have reading time. She doesn't have to know what you are doing. It doesn't hurt to be a little mysterious!
When you have a spouse who is not genuinely interested in having a better MR, she will accuse you of just trying to follow something in a book. It won't impress a WW. Which in reality, that is what you need to do, but she will twist it around to make you look as though your actions are just some type of ploy to get her to stay. Some have compared it to a football play book. You don't show the other team your play book. Make sense?
You can make it happen, but you've got to do the work!
I understand about the nice guy book. But it did seem to me the point from my standpoint is to stand up for myself and not take any crap. Which would mean being able to walk away instead of being a doormat.
The book was good. Like I said before I am not a textbook nice guy, but I did have a tendency to sometimes do things for her thinking it would get me sex. And I can be pretty passive-aggressive at times.
I will figure out how to read the DR book without her knowing. Like I said I will not be able to read it as quickly that way though.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
