Plus a work dynamic with a subordinate can set him up for accusations of sexual harassment. In these circumstances he may lose his job and find it impossible to get a reference. There is no doubt that colleagues at work will know too, an open secret. Employers don't condone this type of stuff as it opens floodgates. Weinstein and all that.....V
I have been telling him that summer! The way he seems something as innocent, other people around him won't. They'll see the favoritism and start assuming. This was just something else I was trying to get him to see. He saw a little bit of light at one point, when another sub-ordinate made an off the cuff comment. He had a conversation with her to keep things professional, but clearly they went back on it. Not as much as in the summer, but still not professional.
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
I am going to state for the record I don't believe in MLC, it isn't in the DSM as a disorder. It appears to be a particular set of entitled behaviours. These behaviours disrespect you and your M. V
I totally agree with this as well. I feel like a MLC is just an excuse for privileged people that have too much and don't know what else to do. Who think that things should be absolutely perfect for them and they don't have to work to get what they want.
I read up on gaslighting last night.. and some aspects definitely sound like him. I know the guilt of everything is too much to bear and he tries to put it all on me. I've called him out for this many times while fighting. Why am I crazy, but he's the one saying he's not sure what he wants?
update:
After telling him I'm going away for the weekend, he was fine with it and pretended like I asked him. I said no, I was booking it whether you agreed or not.
On the way home from work, he got a call from OW to tell him some confidential work gossip. The director was being let go, and the person that was working on his package told a few people. She thought it was her duty to report it to him. He told me the reason for her call, and I asked how that was something that needed to be discussed and couldn't wait for tomorrow? why did she need to be the one to tell him? He said he appreciated the call. But I asked how it helped him, he said it didn't. So i said you're ok with your employee breaking company policy and gossiping about someone being laid off, when the person doesn't even know. He continued to defend her. This kind of behaviour is what upsets the most. You know she did something wrong, but you're defending her to me... Which if it was just an employee wouldn't even make sense, who cares what my opinion is of her? He said that at his old job he would tell his boss all kinds of info. I said its not the same. He said yes it is, I was a subordinate and informed my boss. She's a subordinate informing me. I said you were a man that had a friendly relationship with his male boss. She is a girl that has a friendly relationship with her married male boss. NOT THE SAME. He tried to fight me on it again, so I said, sorry She is a girl that has a friendly relationship with her married male boss who has already stepped over the line and knows this relationship has negatively affected his M and W. He stopped talking.
The next morning I left for work separately, and then freaked out a bit during work with some TM's. He just responded back that we will talk later.
After work, we met up and he asked if I wanted to go for dinner.. all super nice. and I said no, that if he's going to continue this he needs to leave tonight. He told me that he spoke with the OW first thing that morning about her phone call, how it wasn't appropriate to call him about gossip, and after work. That they're not friends and he's her boss and she shouldn't be telling him sensitive information like that if it's not for her to share. I'm glad he stood up for himself and set the record straight, but since this was their third conversation on professional in less than 4 months, I said he should take it a step further. He refused. So i said he's protecting her again and I don't know why, if he wants to protect her he can leave. Later on he showed me an email he had just sent to her reiterating what they spoke about that morning and copying his boss. At least it's written and on record now, and his boss is aware of the situation.
After that I was able to calm down. It was weird but my anxiety that had been building the last 2 weeks just fell away. Maybe he was trying. I said that was the right thing to do and that's how things should always be with her, and he needs to leave her out of this M if he wants it to work.
The rest of the night was quiet, and this definitely helped me relax and focus on DB. On the way into work I talked about how I was going out for dessert at lunch. He asked who I was going with, and I said I would see who could go at work, but I was going anyways. He tells me that he has some time and can come with. So I said ok.
Lets hope I can stay on top.
I can definitely see he is purposefully trying to be stubborn. He doesn't want to listen to what I have to say, and tries to do the opposite of what I was saying I wanted. I feel like he's trying to assert his ground, but I'm not going to let that happen if it causes me stress and negatively affects our marriage. I think this definitely has to do with his entitlement and thinking he should be making the calls.
I'm going to stick to the making plans without him bit, and see how things go... That kind of seems to make him stop and think for a little bit.
