Yes, she knew in the morning (at least) that D wasnt going to be in school and should have let you know. And I absolutely can understand the terror you must have been feeling when you got to school and couldnt find her. Youre right that there is no excuse for not informing you. I will say that I am a little surprised this is the first time something like this has happened given the parenting 'plan' you two have.
At the same time, I feel like this argument is totally out of place for someone that literally just woke up from surgery. I imagine it wasnt on the top of her to-do list and with all that was going on, I imagine it got forgotten. It feels like you are both at an emotional 10 and while I think the overall goal should be working to IMPROVE communication, it always tends to melt down into just getting mad at each other. This feels like a time where you say "Im glad you and D are safe. Im concerned about what the communication today - lets discuss it in a few days when youre back on your feet." The woman is in a hospital bed and all of your communication is telling her what shes doing wrong. How can that possibly be received any other way than how it was?
