She thinks by me not talking to her is treating her like a POS she keeps saying things like "You look down your nose at me"

I have acknowledged my past behaviour, but she doesn't believe I have the capacity to change that is the problem.

If she cannot let go of the past, how could we ever move forward?

I have accepted now that the R as it was is over, and if she wants to save the M, I am not sure if I would even want to anymore- I am fed up with the lies and the secrets.

When she opened up to me again last night, she said that she knows we may need to wait 2 years before a D, so I plan to carry on with the 180's and begin detachment with determination.

One thing I am not too sure how to handle though, is if we are living separate lives under the same roof, and have not yet told the children, I don't want her to meet the OM with my children present, this is a boundary which I think is fair, how would you play this?

M(41), W(37)
S (6) D (4) S (2)
M-8, T-12
W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man"
"I don't know you anymore"