Should I stay? Should I go? I need help for real

[Jim1234]

Don't worry that it's not happening yet. It will. It takes time, and you have barely started down the path.

If you can get to the point that you can forgive her, it will make it much easier. However, she may not think she's done anything needing forgiveness, and if you tell her you forgive her, that won't end well. Forgiving HER is really about opening up YOUR heart, so it's not really about her anyway, and she doesn't need to know, unless she asks for forgiveness.

I can't remember if you are in individual counselling. I think you are because of the ptsd, but if you are not, you need to get some. It will help you straighten out your emotions, and help you to trust her again.