Its a process... this DB thing. I stumble a lot too!
I've managed to get my ropes in place and I finally stopped bringing up R. I just don't go there now. I've learned that bringing it up doesn't help me feel better and it just reminds H how confused he is.
Now that being said I do still make other mistakes. I am not detaching much at all which is not good for me.
Sometimes some of this stuff just needs to play itself out. You need to let yourself make the mistakes as a reminder on why not to go that direction AND to figure out that you are strong enough to pick yourself up and keep moving forward.
One hour at a time... until it can be a day at time!!! We will get there!
