Should I stay? Should I go? I need help for real

[Jim1234]

She has said that I pushed her away and she craved to feel wanted but she’s insist that she is not having an affair.

In my marriage, W told me what was wrong, but for various reasons, I couldn't hear it. It looks to me like she's telling you exactly what you need to do to help fix your marriage.

I was trying to be nicer but just to get even more frustrated to see that she has a better relationship with her phone than she does with me.

I know I have lots of work to do on myself but her ambivalence just makes me doubt that things are going to work

You will hear this a lot.... This is a marathon, not a sprint. You cannot be nice to her for a day, week, or month, and expect to see a difference. It may take two or three years to see the difference. Accept that. YOU have a lot of work you have to do to save this marriage. When it starts improving, then she can start helping, but right now, this is all on you.

One of those times she even sent a message telling me that she was staying at a males friends and they were just friends and she even sent me the address and phone of the guy if I wanted to check what in my opinion was utterly offensive.

Maybe she is having an affair, maybe she isn't. I have no idea. I tend to take people at their word. I'd look at the fact that she was telling you where she was staying and with whom as an indication she isn't, simply because if she were, what would be the point of telling you? She knows what you are thinking, and she's trying to be straight up with you. Otherwise, she'd be waaaaay overthinking the deception, and I don't most people are that crafty.

That said, what she is doing is totally inappropriate, and there needs to be a boundary.

Unless there is proof, I think you are better off avoiding any discussion of an affair.