I do really appreciate all the advice. I know this place if full of wise advice.
I’m going to therapy for my ptsd. I’m doing counseling and I’m medicated.

The evidence is conversations with an ex boyfriend. Nothing suggestive but one we have been fine and she started going out every 2 weeks. 4 times she left saying that she would come early and didn’t come to sleep and came back next day at noon super wasted. One of those times she even sent a message telling me that she was staying at a males friends and they were just friends and she even sent me the address and phone of the guy if I wanted to check what in my opinion was utterly offensive.

I also have seen a change on her behavior. I found a pregnancy test the other day and we barely have sex and she’s on the pill. She always gives all sorts of excuses and never owns it. She denies an affair and I guess she won’t confess what makes impossible for me to trust her again.

I have started to get a life and detach from her because I been so angry and depressed for so long that reading, working out and taking care of myself is helping me to go through and yes I would like to save the marriage but how I can shake off my resentment? I don’t believe a word coming out of her mouth. She’s been very depressed and anxious and today she asked me why I don’t say I love you back to her and I just said that I’m taking things one day at the time. But the truth is that the lack of trust and all my emotions I’m feeling stupid.
We have couples counseling next week and will see how it goes. I’m just tired of all this ordeal.

And having an affair because I have ptsd or justify an affair because ptsd is hard to handle, in my opinion is very low. If she can’t handle it, sincerity would have been the right thing to do and I would have understood because is not easy to deal with it. But going and cheat and sleep at a guys house and lie and not recognizing it is just low.

And every time she has gone out she has left me Ali with the kid. She has said she will be home early and she shows up next day.