The psychologist insists that I must work on myself and the marriage because of the kid. My wife is telling the psychologist that she wants to save the marriage.... and I want out. My wife refuses to separate or divorce and she insist that she will fight for the marriage and that I’m not going anywhere. The psychologist insist that it takes time and I feel like a complete cuck trying to save this.....the psychologist keeps saying that I can’t make a radical decision right now because I’m under a lot of emotional turmoil and I need to try first..... family for support is basically to get told the same as the psychologist that I must try.
First off, if you want to save your marriage, you've come to the right place. I think the community is a bit overwhelmed, and doesn't really know how to respond. I know I didn't respond at first, because I was hoping someone with better advice than I would step in. There's a lot in your post, and I've tried to parse it down to the points I want to talk about. Also, I know you're really stressed, but paragraphs and formatting will make your story to read, and elicit more help. Information like how long you've dated, how long married, how old your child is, etc will make any advice given more tailored to your situation. Get involved in other people's threads. It will make it more likely people will get involved in yours.
In no particular order:
You say your wife doesn't want a divorce a few times. That puts you light years ahead of most of us on this forum. Most of our spouses are out the door already, and yours still wants to be married to you. That's great! Don't push her out the door.
You mention ptsd. Are you getting help for that? You need to. Your poor mental health and emotional turmoil is a recurring theme in your post, and fatal to a marriage. Your wife, family, and therapist... all the people closest to you and who know you best... are all telling you to get help and work on your marriage. Whether you listen or ignore their advice is up to you, but frankly, you're throwing away your marriage if you don't.
My W was depressed. In order to help, I bought Depression for Dummies. There was a chapter about Marriage and Depression that mentioned if one of you is depressed, your marriage is in real trouble. Either the healthy spouse gets fed up and leaves, or the depressed spouse doesn't feel like they are getting the support they need, gets frustrated, and leaves. You sound like the latter.
I can see how she would have an affair under these conditions, but I can also see how you would see an affair that doesn't really exist. I don't really know what's going on, but if you get help, and become again the husband she wants and needs, the affair will stop. Marriages can heal from infidelity, but it takes work from both parties.
You are all over the place. At least twice you mention wanting to save the marriage, and at least twice you mention wanting to leave. Which is it? I assume you want to save it, or you wouldn't be here. But I will tell you that in my situation, talking about leaving made my wife less secure in my marriage, scared her, made her not want to put effort into the marriage, and pushed her farther way.
If you haven't, buy and read Divorce Busting. It won't all be applicable to your situation, but there will be a lot of help in its pages.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
