WAW? Would Love Opinions. Part 13

[KGuy]

Wow, i get so much from reading other's threads, in reviewing to provide my opinion on the house sitch, i ran across the quotes below that really helped me. This, from your last thread really helped me define my XW:

Temp checking is very different, the wayward wants plan A and to keep the other as Plan B.

The walkaway has no plan A.

Just saying

My (X)W behavior was/is very similar. During Marriage counseling, she had no idea what she was going to do outside moving in with Mom. Now i know the causes even if it doesn't change what i need to do. Thanks Vanilla/Joseph9

The pursuit and distance concept did not workout for me. It might have brought her closer to the extent the pressure was removed but it did not bring her closer wanting to know about my life, what I was doing, it never caused her to ask more questions or to show an interest in my comings and goings. I do know that it helped me heal which is more important.

Same here on my sitch. I think you have detached a whole lot better than i. Kuddos to you.

Hi Jim the current plan was to split the house 50/50, split the 401 50/50, we would not touch our pensions (they are almost equal in value) and the money set aside for the kids would not be touched.

Depending on the amount of equity we have in the house I was going to propose to her that I give her a specific dollar amount of the equity and I would make the difference by giving her a larger portion of the 401.

This way it would reduce the amount that I need to refi and hopefully put me in a position financially to keep the house.

If it was just me I would sell the house, take my portion of the money and take a vacation . I am struggling with the decision though due to my kids.

Anyway, this is what i was wanting to reply to throw my $0.02 in before i went into your last very (off track) helpful thread. Sorry for the rewind hijack.

In the D, I got the house in the divorce and planned to keep it for the same reasons as you want to. I went back and forth with this decision, and that position was fortified back then when my IC mentioned she sold her family house because of the memories of her late husband in it (other input had been "thats sounds good"). She later regretted moving out of the house her kids had grown up in because she thought she had not taken them into account fully when making the decision. However, her kids were older.

All was going according to this plan until i got laid off recently. This has forced me to re-look at that decision. Like Holding i could probably make it happen with the help from family, but I'm considering taking some advice on the forum and now selling it and rearrange my assets to ultimately get something new. As was pointed out, the kids would most likely like something new and it would be a "new beginning" both for the kids and myself.

After reflection, i now am thinking keeping my house may also be my way of holding onto the (old) MR and this would give me the opportunity to make some changes for me (and the kids) as well. My W had wanted to get out of the house anyway and would not want to move back in if we were to reconcile. You seem better detached than i though, so this might not be the case with you. Getting something new that is tailored towards me and the kids may bring the focus on the other constant in their lives. I'm still on the fence though, but now leaning towards selling. Like Holding, i have some time to make that decision. The other thing that was brought up to me was that if i keep the house and find someone new, i may just be filling the EXs role in the house. How would you feel if you found someone else and stayed in your house? Would they just be filling a role there?