New LBS, not sure if he's having LMC

[meg24]

I think you are getting some fantastic advice -- from Accuray, Anotherstander, and artista -- and really, I could not say the same things better myself. I hope you will read their words again and again and let them sink in. When I was in my sitch and read here, I recall understanding the advice that was written, but really struggling to accept it. My emotional crisis would interfere with my ability to make changes.

I keep reading every word, every day. It does help me build my strength.

So please keep posting and reading here and take baby steps every day. Follow the 37 rules as best you can, even if at times they do not feel natural for you. Let him pout, threaten, walk away, and blame you! You simply live your life, listen, listen, listen, and then pull back. The only words he needs to hear from you are "I am sorry you feel that way. I hear what you are saying. I will not stand in your way." He can try and blame you and rewrite history, that's his process of guilt, but you now are showing him an amazing and strong woman.

I am getting really got at just looking at him and listening as he talks, I haven't been saying "me, me, me", but just listening. It does my soul good to hear you and others on hear by my "cheerleader".

I see your struggle of wanting to please him (show him affection and invite him back in), as he is demanding that while simultaneously pushing you away. The mind games are maddening. Here is the thing tho; you will never win. You cannot please this man, and all you can do is let him go. He is holding fear over your head because of his own fear. Do not take the bait. He told you himself he is leaving anyhow. So no more affection, hugs, s-x, you waiting and hoping he comes back in, etc, etc. Even of he gets more mad and blames you further, that is fine! Over time, he will have to accept that these are HIS choices.

Right now, I, as well as the kids, are just counting the days until he moves out. We will all be able to breathe. They are tired of the yelling, avoiding, blaming, etc. I keep talking to my 2 boys, s19 and s17, trying to keep everything open, so they can learn from my/our mistakes. D13 stays in her room most of the time, but I talk to her about relationships in general more regularly now. I need to be a good, strong example for her.

You owe him no explanation of anything (lunches, social media, where you want him to sleep, NOTHING). DO not allow him to control you anymore. He is leaving, so bye bye now, H! He chose to leave you, do he can go, and he doesn't get to keep playing with your mind.

This one I have been able to pick up fairly easy. I don't relate anything to him that I'm doing. If he asks, I give him little detail. Tonight will be interesting though, I'm having dinner with both of my sisters-in-law (both married to his 2 brothers, well, one is common law, the other is going through divorce due to transgender issue (not her own)). H is called off work today due to weather, so he'll probably be home when I leave. Should be ineresting (or not, hard to tell anymore with him).

Meg is taking her dignity and power back..... and over time, my dear, that makes you the far, far more attractive option! It is time to take a giant step back, GAL, and 180 all the way. You can do this and you do not measure reaction. Over time, this is the only way he will start looking back over his shoulder.

You bet! Actually, my strength and strong sense of independence is what mostly attracted H to me in the beginning.