Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[sandi2]

What you are currently doing is not working well enough to stop her contact with OM. It is good that you stopped having a conversation about her and the OM. It is good that you stopped initiating texting and calls to her throughout the day. But this is not enough. Now you must do something else.

Then she sta really nagging - like how I cheated on her an so on. And she is free now but do not want any man to be with her . And she is not doing nothing wrong

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She is using your past mistake as her excuse to have OM. She said she is free because you cheated on her. She is wrong. She is not free, because she is married. Her actions with OM are not appropriate for a married woman.

I think it is time you confront her and tell her you know what she has been doing. Do not tell her how you got the information! But if you confront her and tell her she must end contact with the OM, then you must be prepared to separate. If she promises to stop all contact with OM, then you do not have to separate. I think she will be nice to you and make you believe everything is fine. However, I don't think she will keep her promise to you. I think she will sneak contact with OM, and lie to you. So, you may have to separate then.

You turned to another woman because it had been so many years without sex with your W. It has been 5 years of no sex from your W. No physical affection. This arrangement will not change, if she does not get help for the rape issues. When did she tell you about the rape? Have you ever asked her parents about it?

If you knew she would never have sex with you again, are you willing to stay in a M with no sex for the rest of your life? I think she wants you for a friend, but not for a H.

I am not pushing you to do anything you don't want. You asked for help, and this is all I know to suggest. Did you talk to a lawyer?

Do not purchase a new flat. Never go into more debt when your W is interested in another man. It will makes life harder for you!