Well, in my new R, I've now done many things that I never did before, mainly to do with finding/initiating/planning things for us to do together.
One is coming up this weekend. We're going to stay at a very posh hotel on Saturday evening, and have dinner there together. I found it, booked it and paid for it. I've never done anything like that before, or even close to anything like that.
It's also a surprise. He knows we're going somewhere, but not where. And I've given him an idea of the kinds of clothes he should bring with him, but he doesn't know exactly what we'll be doing.
I'm going to wear the very beautiful sequin dress that he bought me for Christmas that I've not worn yet, and the bracelet he bought me for my birthday that I've worn every day.
Last weekend we were both doing our won thing, I was at a very full on and exhausting work thing all weekend, and he was doing some climbing, so it will be lovely to spend some time together again.
I know that I am very much in love with him, and that the feeling is mutual. It's been over a year now. It seems like no time at all, but it also feels like much longer. It must be to do with the emotional journey that we take?
I feel like I can completely trust him, as he's been utterly consistent at every single point in that year and a bit. He's incredibly thoughtful and kind and generous with his affection (he's like that with his kids as well), and he's very passionate too. He's also an introvert like me, and very shy and private with regards what the outside world sees.
And he feels like a companion to me, in the truest sense of the word. Someone that can share the burdens of life with me, practically and emotionally. I didn't have that feeling in my M. It felt like I was carrying all the practical burdens of our life. I guess it felt like I was carrying a lot of the emotional burden too. Things were fine when I had the energy to support my XH, but when **I** really needed his help and support he started behaving like a spoilt child who wasn't getting his way.
Obviously there's more to it than just that, but what would be the point of rehashing things and going over things?
I feel different, like a different person now. I do occasionally feel angry about what happened and the way I was treated. And if I think about it, I do feel confused...did that person not promise to be by my side when they married me? So why not honour that? Perhaps we didn't talk enough about what being M would actually mean? Thinking back, we didn't really talk about it at all. So perhaps we had different expectations?
I was the same age that OW is now. And I read an interview with her last night, where she mentioned 'her partner' and talked about the work they'd be doing together. It did make me chuckle a bit. She must think she's so mature and grown up.
I'll just leave her to it. I know that I deserve a different sort of R. One that isn't undermined by alcohol and OW (plural).
