I actually have not got Michelle´s book yet, it should arrive any day now. I have however red tons of other books of MR and individual growth. Only positive thing in this crisis is that IF we get our R work, it will be significantly better but if not, I will be better man for myself and any other potential R in the future - even if the learning path have gone through hell.
Quote:
You really shouldn't be going to couples therapy right now, it's unlikely to help things and may even hurt them. WAS's need time and space, when we force them into therapy or counseling it's basically the opposite of what they want. And they resent that we are forcing them to do what WE want.
This type of MC was actually my W idea - she said that she wants us to separate and start emotionally focused therapy, since that´s the area we have had issues. Of course I has crossed my mind that it was just one way for her to give me hope and pave mentally easier way out...
Quote:
I'm sorry, but it doesn't get any more obvious than that. But here's the thing, the two of you are separated.
I get this unfortunately, and it´s The most difficult thing to know in my life. I have always been very committed to M and so I thouhgt of my W. She gets hurt if I even have suspected anything with OM, saying I "I feel so bad that you can even think anything like that"... But that´s how the story usually goes I guess.
Quote:
By the way you mentioned you've had a sex-starved marriage but unless I missed it you didn't mention why?
Because W did not want to. She said that she don´t feel emotionally connected with me. She also had a lot of resentment which pushed her far. I think this quote from this forum explains it: "women need to feel emotionally safe and secure before they become physical or sexual... while men need to feel accepted physically and/or sexually before they become emotional and vulnerable." Vicious cycle!
BUT, feels very odd that W would be up to playing w toys now with OM when all she wanted from me was being emotionally available and physically near when ML...
