I truly wish that we could reconcile, although I´m prepared to continue my adventure alone and as a better man.
Your post makes it sound like you are doing a good job of DB'ing, you didn't mention Michele's book but I assume you read it, how long ago?
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As of Jan 2018 we rented an apartment where we alternate every other week with W so that kids could stay at their home. We also started emotionally focused therapy 1/week and even my hopes are high it could enable us to attach emotionally, I afraid there is too much damage done for a fresh start.
You really shouldn't be going to couples therapy right now, it's unlikely to help things and may even hurt them. WAS's need time and space, when we force them into therapy or counseling it's basically the opposite of what they want. And they resent that we are forcing them to do what WE want.
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Since she feels that she needs space I obviously do not want to smother her, but on the other hand cause she felt neglected in the marriage I´m afraid that going too much dark will send the wrong message as well.
This is a very common concern expressed here. The thing is, she is two feet out the door. The time for smothering her with love and affection to repair the M is long gone. It won't help now, it'll just look needy and desperate to her.
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Before what I found this morning my wife had these classical WAW/WW/MLC symptoms: -Parties a lot more with younger co-workers or divorced friends -Plastic surgery -Tattoo below breasts -paying more attention to dressing/make-up -Works out intensively -Rebellious action/thoughts -lot´s at SoMe -protecting phone
Given that, I would say the chances are very good she is in a EA if not PA.
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Week ago we had date and were intimate and AFTER ML my wife mentioned she bought condoms since she didn´t have any other birth control ATM. I thought this was odd, since she never bought them before, but did not say anything.
Yeah it sure sounds like she's got a PA going.
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So this morning I snooped a bit and found some sex toys from W closet, like BDSM collar and coc* ring!!
I'm sorry, but it doesn't get any more obvious than that. But here's the thing, the two of you are separated. I'm sorry to say that in her eyes the M is over. So technically it's not an affair to her, it's just her moving on. And no I would not confront her about what you found because A) frankly it's none of your business and B) in confronting her you will expose that you are sneaking around snooping on her and going through her personal belongings, and I promise you that will not be well- received.
By the way you mentioned you've had a sex-starved marriage but unless I missed it you didn't mention why?
