I’m new doing this and im doing it because I guess im at the end of the rope.
I discovered my wife’s affair on September 2017. Discovered messages from Facebook and she went few times to hang out with friends and she didn’t come to sleep. Coming next day absolutely wasted. She denies an affair. She denies that she has ever cheated; however, she has all the signs (ambivalence, emotional distance, lack of intimacy, change of habits and no empathy) we have a 5 year old child and after the discovery/ confrontation things have been very rough. During my time of suspicion I went ballistic for months, unable to figure out what was wrong with her. We resorted to a lot of insulting and stonewalling each other until I finally found evidence that she was in contact with an ex boyfriend. She denies everything and called me a crazy paranoid. I confronted her about not coming to sleep and she insisted that it doesn’t mean she’s sleeping around and she’s just friends with the guy. (Bullshit) besides numerous different excuses. I suffer from ptsd and she’s using my condition as a justification but she still denies an affair and all this ordeal landed me on therapy (emdr) and now couples therapy. The psychologist insists that I must work on myself and the marriage because of the kid. My wife is telling the psychologist that she wants to save the marriage but she keeps on the same limbo (what confirms she’s still on the affair) and I want out. My wife refuses to separate or divorce and she insist that she will fight for the marriage and that I’m not going anywhere. I just want to leave because I’m sick of the ping pong game she’s playing here. My family doesn’t support me because they’re religious and they insist that I must work on the marriage for the child. She keeps giving me guilt trips because I want to leave but she keeps saying that she will look for her personal help when she feels ready. What is bullshit in my opinion because I see it just as gaining time to continue her affair. I’m in total misery. I can’t trust her or no one. I have become way more bitter and resentful. The psychologist insist that it takes time and I feel like a complete cuck trying to save this. I feel like a total idiot waiting for her while she’s living her new love story and the worse is that the psychologist keeps saying that I can’t make a radical decision right now because I’m under a lot of emotional turmoil and I need to try first. I been reading a lot of books and now I think I would like to save the marriage but her ambivalence and her lies just makes me want out. I don’t believe she wants to save the marriage I think she just wants to save herself and I’m stuck because I don’t want to screw my child’s life. He’s affected by all this and he’s doing bad at kindergarten. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel I’m going crazy. I have lost a lot of weight because I can’t eat or sleep properly. I’m on medication because of my ptsd and now I have even more triggers than before. This is a nightmare. I’m alone, I don’t have a support system and my family is far away on a different country. I don’t have friends or anyone that supports me and calling my family for support is basically to get told the same as the psychologist that I must try. I’m so angry and sad that I don’t do anything more than work and listen to music to forget about my life. The routine is killing me and I guess I’m on a downward spiral where I’m going to end dead. I would appreciate the advice because I’m lost.
