LBS - MLC H who's an alcoholic

[WWHWU]

Hello jujuB and peacetoday,

I can't thank you enough for your responses! I did google Gaslighting and Oh my...that's exactly what he's doing! I'm not sure how to protect myself from it though. I will have a talk with my D later tonight. I like the advice to just sit at the edge of her bed and listen. I'll do that.

He also said that his family is happy for him in his new life and love. Sickening, as we're not even divorced yet, and why would they want their granddaughter to suffer through this nonsense? He's just so happy now! So, they'll believe that I was the culprit, all along, even though I have told them that he's an alcoholic in MLC.

He said that he just doesn't want to "lie" about his life anymore. Well, that's what he does...he lies. He said that he found OW online after he moved out 2 mos. ago. That they've been dating 2 mos. So, he immediately found someone online the day he moved out? Also, what online woman falls in love and introduces her child to a stranger in less than 2 mos. time? Conveniently, she lives in the same city that he moved far away to. I do believe there's more to this story, but he won't admit it.


I wish I could go back to the US, but my D is not having it. She won't leave her father, and I really don't want her to be without a father, but it's difficult in that he does some good things for her but then does these negative things as well. He wants to treat her more like a friend than a father, so he tells her "confidential" things that I'll never know. He'd also battle me in court to keep her here, and I don't want to put her through that. I keep wondering if eventually he'll just stop showing up again, and then she'll get the picture. We shall see.

I was hoping he'd hit rock bottom soon, but he just keeps on going. He's gotten the finances of his business as messed up as he's gotten ours. I wish I could tell his boss the truth about him, but that would be self sabotage. I need his income to survive. Rent in London is expensive!

I couldn't find the posts from 2015 as julieh, but God bless you for what you've been through. I have questioned my actions over and over again, trying to see what I could have done differently, and I think the thing I did do was hang in there until my D was almost 15, as that's the age when divorce isn't as traumatising or so my therapist said. That's really the best I could do.

I also loved unconditionally, although he would disagree. In the end he kept saying he just wanted unconditional love. Does that mean that you can not come home for dinner, come home super late, not call, not communicate with me on a real level, not support me, and not truly love and respect me, and that's OK? Well, I still did love him through all that, but he doesn't see it that way because I wasn't happy about him crossing boundaries. So, I spoke out.

I love to hear that your D is successful and happy peacetoday. It's inspiring.

Much love to you both and thank you again for your kind and very helpful responses!