I hope it's not your last, it's always valuable to hear the "other side of the story" here! Because we mostly hear the LBS's view, it tends to sound like WAS's are crazy and doing stuff that doesn't make sense. But that's not how the WAS sees it at all, they feel like they've been trying hard for months or years to get through to their spouse and that they are left with no options but BD.
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I would probably assume that communication has not been your marriage's strongest point like many, so if I have to give you any point here I would start with improving your interpersonal communication skills. Men seem to struggle in this department. They either passively agree to everything wife says to avoid a conflict and to appear supportive or they stonewall or get defensive and accusatory.
AMEN!!!! Unfortunately this is one of the main differences between men and women, men are trained by their fathers and other male figures in their life and even in school situations to bury emotions and feelings and do everything to avoid conflict with the opposite sex. I wish there was some way to incorporate Retrouvaille in life as a required course before getting married, the communication techniques they teach are quite invaluable. Unfortunately most of us don't end up going until it's too late.
I also wish that most WAS's didn't wait until they were completely shut down in the M before BD'ing, because it IS possible for a LBH to change, and change drastically. Many of us did it. But our WAS's were too far gone for it to matter.
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I don't want him to suffer more than he has already.
While your silent suffering has been taking place for a long time, your H's has only just barely started. It will get much worse for him in the coming months. You really should either give him a chance or leave, you are doing no one any favors by staying under the same roof. You may think it's best for the kids but it really isn't, it's a very toxic living situation for them.
