KitCat I just read through the last few pages. What I'm reading is you bending over backwards and walking on eggshells to try to please your H and he's not responding, or responding angrily. And then you make a long post about it talking about how you've failed at DB'ing and don't understand what you did wrong. You need to understand this is not about YOU, it's about HIM. This isn't about what YOU are doing right or wrong, it is about some internal struggle that HE is going through. He's confused about what he wants and he is lashing out and pushing you away because it is convenient to blame you for all his own problems. You simply cannot do anything right in his eyes right now. Anything you do no matter how selfless will get interpreted as something underhanded and devious. THIS is where detachment comes in, you detach and leave him alone and work on yourself. You take away all his ammo against you by ceasing to be a part of his life. You can't nice him back, so quit trying. All "nice" does is reaffirm to him that (in his eyes) you are weak, pathetic and an easy Plan B for him. So STOP. Be strong and independent. Quit beating yourself up every time he does or says something mean. That's on him, not you. If he's rude to you then DON'T TAKE IT. Get up, tell him you refuse to be disrepected and leave the room. Or leave the house. Just quit being a doormat.
Quote:
I texted him thank you for making the bed. I don't expect a response but I felt I should acknowledged his effort.
I know the rules say I'm not to text H. I hope this was not a big boo boo... I'm really trying to do the right move and not chase H.
Well first of all a quick thank you for making the bed is OK, Michele does say to "celebrate the 1%" in her book. IE, if he's rude and a jerk 99% of the time but does something nice 1% of the time then celebrate the 1%. That will encourage him to make it 2%, then 4%, etc. Second of all, please understand that detachment (IE, not chasing him) isn't something you do for a day or two here and there which is what I believe you've been doing. You've got to detach and STAY that way.
