Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Ni Sandy,
it is been a while.

So my wife miss the opportunity to lunch/dinner the OM2. I do not know why, one reason is because of me, other reason is OM2 do not initiate hard.

They occasionally FB, she provoke him about meet for lunch.

They sow each other 2 times when he come for haircut (talk drink coffee)

Last 2 weeks WW is very nice to me, attentive want a lot of massages (legs, back feet), like old times. There is not any other intimacy (sex, kiss, hugs). I do not initiate any of the physical contacts and/or other type of pursuing.
WW start to talk about baying new flat as investment for our kids in future, she introduce this to all relatives (looks very exited). I do not show any excitement, just say will see when the time comes ( flat go on market - it will be 3-4 year paying, and we will leave with small amount of money ).
My feeling is that she try to catch me in position of not have opportunity to leave (keep me in the house, and keep contact with the OM2). I want to say to her that i will not buy anything if she do not cut contact with OM2- but not sure is it writhe move or not. I do not show any sings that track her FB. If i confront her about her chat/coffee, i will proof to her that i do it.

last 2 weeks we have pleasant time. 2 - 3 times, she try to disrespect in front of the kids, i cut her right there, after 1 hour of her silent treatment, she is pleasant again.
My grant father died, she change her work schedule to come with me and support me.

So she is like in limbo, some times it is look like she decrease contact with OM2, then initiate, and so on.

So today OM2 come to haircut, some hours later they FB. She told him, when he come after his trip to home town, they should go to celebrate (he buy apartment, her name day), like dinner/lunch. What to do about it? last time i think i wast ready to take actions (leave - if she go to his place for coffee). She did not go.

It is up to you what you wish to tell her. I don't know where you live and the laws there. My advice is to get legal advice about separation and divorce. Know all your options and where you will stand

In past when we discuses separation divorce (initiate by me - not staying with her and OM2), she said will agree everything what i want (aka. she do not want divorce/separation - but do not want me to control her - say her how to live her life)

I agree, no more just saying words. Do you feel you are in an open marriage b/c of her other men? If you feel she is dishonering your boundary.........what is your next step?

I am convinced they will see for lunch/dinner (it is matter of time).
I do not know what to do!!! Should i do something before it is happened again, or act after?

I do not know is it time to enforce NC boundaries?! consequence are my financing the new flat?

So, if there are no consequences for her disrespecting you, nothing happens? Nothing changes? What about intimate and private time with her? Are you sleeping in the same bed? (Sorry if you've already told me).

We sleep in the same bed, we have pleasant time, she want (ask polite to massage her - in no sexual way. We do sport all together with the kids, and looks like she enjoined, she initiate to make me possible to be with them.

Has your W ever been faced with any type of consequences from inappropriate behavior? What have you don't in previous times to take charge of the family........like a strong leader? Do they see you as their leader? How does she see you in the bedroom? Does she see you as strong, sexual, dominant male?

She ask me, about what to do what to buy. i think she accept me as leader in some capacity. (depend in what WW mood is she or/and ovulation/or not). Sexually we did not have sex from 5 years. We do not discuses sex, in the past she bring my infidelity and say she is negative about sex, plus she was ra*ed in her teen age.

I suppose I am asking very personal question to get a picture on you as a man. In the past, how would you handle this type of situation?

Sandy i am scared to not screwed up, this days/weeks, we have better interaction since last 5 years, as her attitude to me (i do not consider her bad talking to her GF or the contact to the OM2). If i do not know is she contact OM2 or/and what she talk to her GF, then very thing is like very pleasant pacing stage.

Thanks