I totally agree w/roist. Don't try to force anything, allow things to flow naturally. Just leave things be and enjoy the time you are spending w/him. Keep your space a safe haven for him.
As for him returning...he will need to do the necessary hard work in order for that to happen. He's going to have be transparent to you. In other words, he's going to have to be honest about his life and if an ow is in the picture, he's going to have to cut the ties to her. In other words, he has to win your trust back. If he returns, he is going to want to sweep things under the carpet and not talk about what happened...at some point, that conversation will need to take place.
When someone returns too soon, they haven't completed the necessary and hard work and feel like it's very easy to return and not have to address the elephant in the room. Both people have changed, therefore, the old marriage is gone and a new one begins...but it's a very long road before that happens.
Babe, continue as you have been and just leave things to unfold naturally.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I notice something and would like to share it with you. While my husband was deep in the midlife crisis tunnel, he got himself so many outfits that are really not his style(you know, 41 year old man) those terrible shirts, a bit weird and extravagant style and pattern... I bought her two nice and simple shirts, he put them away. Recently, I notice he is wearing the shirts again.
Also he stopped saying 'I wanna buy this...' 'I want to get that... ' seems like the things in his mind are getting more and more calm.
I can say that he is still in transforming. It is still going on. I'm with great patience right now. I don't want him be half cooked !
It gets interesting seeing the changing and differences, I'm the witness of the transformation !!
He is slowly, and I mean, slowly settling down. Dig deeper for patience and continue to observe and be a friend. Keep those expectations very, very low.
How are you doing?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy new year everyone and Job !! I had a great holiday of chinese new year.
Husband comes home almost every weekend these 8 months, I don't think the other person is in picture, husband is coming back gradually, I can tell from his eyes and his move even his outfit... But I noticed something, he's been reconciled with his own parents prior than with me. Before entering his midlife crisis, he seldom visit his parents, maybe once or twice a year. But in past two years, I know he got closer to his family, am I observed right ?
I'm doing very well, live my life to the highest, learning language, reading and enjoy life much more !
me 44 h 43 no children married 12 years got bombed Sep. 2014 h moved May. 2015 stopped forcing me for divorce Jan. 2016 (never filed)
What a surprise to come here today and see that you have posted.
Your h will reconcile with everyone before he will reconcile with you. Remember, you were the first to be "tossed aside", thus you will be the last person he will reconnect with. Sounds like he is slowly returning little by little. Keep doing what you are doing. Drop those friendship crumbs and allow him to gobble them up slowly, but surely.
I'm so glad you are enjoying life more and more. Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Glad to read you are doing well Babe. I think the parental contact can sometimes be part of settling childhood wounds and issues too. Contact increasing or dropping off does seem to be a theme in some situations.
So good to read about the things you are doing. My advice would be stick with the stuff you love and keep expectations very low with your H. Time will tell how things will unfold and live life to the max in the meantime
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yes, keep the expectations very low and be really patient, meanwhile I am feeling content with the things I've been doing these two years. I'm capable in doing anything now, I was too much depend on husband.
Husband is the second child and my father-in-law was abandoned by his own mother when he was only nine. Father-in-law is a quiet and an extremely self-oppressing person, husband and his father never interacted. Husband's brother was the golden child in the eyes of my mother in low...
It is hard to believe all these if I wasn't seen these myself, but I become more strong and am glad that I could give him the love unconditionally; and the time and space that he asked for 3.5 years when he bombed me (laugh)
Thank you for all the information of midlife crisis and depression; without these, I won't survive !
me 44 h 43 no children married 12 years got bombed Sep. 2014 h moved May. 2015 stopped forcing me for divorce Jan. 2016 (never filed)
Husband is going to travel to Seoul in two months, last week he asked me if I would like to go with him(!!) I was pretty surprised... I did not expect he would ask me to travel with him.
I'm not interesting in travelling to the city, but we did not travel together for five years, I would go. Is there anything I need to do/know before travel with a husband who's about coming out of midlife crisis (I hope that he is not far from the exit of the dark tunnel...)
