Hello all......I've been keeping up with everyone's posts as much as I can, so I thought I would post a little update on my sitch.
Things with H and I are better in some ways, but not in others. We are still living as room mates. We are having good conversations, and H is actually sharing his thoughts and some emotions more often. We are sleeping in the same bed, but there is zero intimacy between the two of us. When H leaves he will come find me and give me a kiss good bye. He does make an effort to call during the day and stay in touch with how his day has been.
He continues to do that Landmark education and has found it to be very helpful. He recently went to one of their forums about communication, and when he returned after the 3 days, he said he now understands how little he communicates with me, and is going to try and work on that and asked me to be patient with him.
We recently had a conversation where he told me some things that I had never heard before. He said that during our marriage he felt like he wasn't good enough. I didn't really push him on that, but I did ask him if I was the one who made him feel that way and he said no.
He also mentioned that when he told me that he loved me a few weeks ago he was being vulnerable with me, and was showing emotions that were difficult for him to do. He said that he was very sad afterward because I didn't react/respond the way he expected me to. He said he shut down a few days after that and is now having a hard time showing emotions for fear of how I will react. I told him that is not fair to me, and that he cant have expectations of me like that.
He says he knows that he is still trying to control what he wants me to know. By that I mean, he only shares certain things in regards to his finances, bills, emails and texts, but wants me to share all that info with him. He says he has nothing to hide, but for me not sharing all aspects of his life still feels very secretive. He has a piece of paper with all his user name and passwords to accounts and he said that he keeps that with him at all times because he doesn't want me to find it and know his login information, because then I would be able to log in and see his emails, bills or bank account info.
He said he still is having issues with trusting me, but then turns around and says "I do trust you".....???? He said it is very easy for him to go back to where he was before BD when it comes to trust, but says he doesn't want to. I am confused on just what the issues he is having as far as trust is concerned....I honestly think it is all about control for him.
I am doing more things with friends and going places and having fun. He will ask me where I am going, but I don't give a lot of details. He said he feels like I am "playing games" when I do that
I know that he is not the same person he was before BD....neither of us is. I do see where he has made positive changes and really is trying to be more honest and open, and communicate more. I am working on being more patient with him, but honestly it is difficult for me at times.
I feel like I am stuck
1. do I stay with a man who is not willing to let go of his control issues 2. still having trouble trusting me 3. doesn't want to be intimate with his me
I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts and opinions
