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At any rate, I "handled" S18, was stern but understanding, and he eventually left the house, still angry, to go talk to his coach. But when he came back, very apologetic, gave us both hugs (he is the "cuddly" one of my two boys, unlike S19 who has an ice-man exterior but is still pretty mushy inside) and said he was sorry. That meant a lot to my W.


Are you referring to your handling S18 that meant a lot, or him apologizing? I don't remember us discussing much about this subject, but this is a good place to throw it in. Even if the dad has not been the disciplinarian with the boys, when they are in middle school through high school graduation (and beyond).......I think the dad needs to step in and deal with the son......like you handled it with S18. Unless the dad is unreasonably strict or hard on his sons, they need him to deal with them......instead of watching him sit back waiting on mom to handle the boys. In fact, I think some boys give their mother a harder time, once they get as big, or taller, than her. Whether in a rebellious manner, b/c dad is not being a role model, or he sweet talks his mother......he thinks he'll wear her down. Typically, she is going to be softer on the sons more than the daughters. (I know you have no daughters, but for anyone who does). Dads know what his son will face as a man......just as mom knows what the girl will face as a grown woman. Daddy may pet his D when she has the cramps and wants to stay home from school. But mom is going to tell her, " Well guess what, sweetheart? I have the cramps, too! So get out of bed cause I am going to work, and you are going to school". (I heard this while watching T.D. Jakes). We tend to be a little tougher on the same sex child. Which makes sense.

I said all of that to say your W probably appreciated you stepping up and dealing with the situation in a firm, but caring way. Good job!

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"Well, you do have a bit of George Clooney in you", and i mentioned a movie we had once seen with him and J-Lo in it, and how good their chemistry was, and I was like "Well, you have quite a bit of J-Lo in you" and she said "darn right i do!


That is really good interaction. Flirtatious, natural, and spunky on her part. And your response was great, with no pressure or implied expectations. This is what I was hoping to see, if you could stop being so tense.

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while i was renting the movie (we have a projector and screen in our TV room which gives a pretty good movie experience) she went upstairs and changed into a set of pajamas--not sexy but very cute, flannel-- that she had gotten from my Mom at Christmas and not previously worn.


Good ole, safe, flannel pajamas. Now this is just a shot in the dark, but if things have warmed by the time you take her on the birthday trip........and by warm, I don't mean the weather........why not buy her a beautiful nightgown and have it wrapped nicely? If things have not progressed far enough (if she's still not leaning into your shoulder), at least buy her a pair of silky pajamas. You could even be looking for a funny birthday card that matched the gift. Maybe when you give it to her, say something like, "I really need to talk to my mom about her taste in sleepwear".

Keep a certain flow going between you. I realize there will be times one of you will be dead tired or not in the mood to flirt and play around. Life just isn't a party every day. But as I explained previously, we can create good times instead of waiting for them to "just appear" out of nothing, or b/c the calendar says to do it on a certain date.. Maybe your new pet name for her should be "J-Lo". wink

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This is the first time she has ever indicated she might be willing to take that class as anything other than a "just her" or "just her and a gf" thing (at one point she had been saying she was going to do it with bff. IDK, i found it encouraging.


Well, it would be something new you could enjoy together. Better you, than BFF. And I was wondering, since she makes references to her weight........,have you thought about some other activity together, like going to the gym, rock climbing, hiking, etc.? I know H's have to approach this area very carefully, b/c you don't want her thinking you are implying she is getting out of shape. (Ugh! Women!). But you have such a way with words, I bet you could approach to sound like you just want to do more things "together".

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On the subject of MC and our counselor-- She (W) has this thing about slow, "sappy" songs (she doesn't like them-- "gag, gag"). She has mentioned this in some of our recent conversations and said she thinks it goes hand in hand with her whole commitment issue... and i tend to agree.


I don't particularly care for the slow, sad, sappy songs, either. I need something to speed up my heart.........not slow it down! grin I have not watched a sad, chick movie in years! If I know in advance it's any kind of sad story, I won't watch it. Who needs it?

Anyway........it all sounds good. I think both of you needed to see the other one putting effort into some things......maybe just in different ways. Neither of you can see the process the other one is doing in their own heart.

((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!