Answering the Call

[HaWho]

Gal, DNJ, Mleigh, KYH, KML, Bttrfly, Job, Exquisite, Lou, Roist, Cil and Bright thank you all so very much for the amazing support and advice. Yes, I document.

My sister was here this week and offered me amazing support. She cooked for me and tidied up my house and helped me in so, so many ways.

As for how things are over here; it's chaotic. We have a court date this week to try to set a schedule. Right now my ex shoots completely from the hip. He sets the schedule directly with the kids, has switched weekends on me without even communicating it to me (just dropped them here on his weekend and then informed me the next weekend that he was taking that one). He's told them what the custody breakdown should be and now they tell me that same thing. It's an all out nightmare. He just does not think rules apply to him.

We agreed I would give him any of his mail that arrived here. I was waiting on checks I ordered and they weren't coming. Then I noticed other mail wasn't arriving. Yep, you guessed it: he forwarded all our joint mail to himself. I told him I needed those checks and had a legal right to them still. He gave them to me but it's all about his rules and his control. He didn't even inform me of the forward or that the checks arrived! How am I supposed to function like this? He literally does whatever he wants whenever he wants.

He feels it's unsafe that my garage bay door is open. So, if the kids are with me, he waits until someone closes it. One time he waited in my driveway honking until someone closed it. Control, control and control. And what a world class jerk.

Another way rules are for others and not him? When I called about the checks he mentioned the assets and debts form and told me this whole form was to be taken as "just an estimate." That is not my lawyer's stance. I was told the court does not look favorably on withholding assets.

I told him he has to report things. I know of a few things he's left off the list. How do I know? Am I a Cracker Jack forensic accountant? No. When he first asked for a divorce he wrote me a letter telling me about a certain asset and asked to keep it in exchange for other assets. Then he left that asset off his forms altogether. I still have the letter. Brilliant.

Anyway, when I said he had to report things accurately, he asked me which items he wanted me to report! UNBELIEVEABLE! He wanted me to tell him what lies I knew he was telling. I said "let's start will all assets." He slammed the phone down on me.

Yeah, so life is kind of a slog right now. I am hoping this court mediator will see that this is all insane and help put some rules and boundaries in place.

Emotions are spilling out of the kids. There are sweet, loving moments. There is also lots of anger coming out sideways at me. KML - thank you for saying they are testing the safe parent.

I was at s12's game yesterday and S14 texted me asking to uber 30 miles on the highway by himself to go to a party. He is 14! I said no and he said he would not talk to me for a week and that he wanted to be with his dad all week. Guess this is the new norm. Every time he is unhappy he'll threaten this? The behaviors are so similar to ex's.

Ex was not such a present parent when the kids were young. I shouldered 95% of the child rearing. He always told me that he'd be really good when the kids were older, that he'd shine in those years. Ugh.

Ex was not at s12's game last night. S12 was invited to play on a different team last minute. So ex called s afterwards but said he was in a place that was too loud to talk. I know he's out there hitting the scenes. He is that 50 year old guy that makes you cringe. Sometimes I still cannot believe this is him. Again, it's the new norm.

I know this too shall pass. I know better days are coming my way. I will get through this.