It has been one of my biggest fears to find out my wife would have an PA(or EA) - only an idea of my wife with OM feels just devastating. My W always adjured me to immediately tell her if I would have any kind of A (never had), since not knowing would have been so humiliating for her. Therefore I think it makes it even more disrespectful if she does something behind my back knowing how humiliating that would feel for me.
Of course I have suspected an A during our martial problems (especially after last summer), but when I have asked if she has an OM she naturally denied. Until this morning I was inclined to believe that, since we moved back to our home country from work assignment just recently and once we were at the host country, she did not have that big social network and possibilities to cheat. And know when we are back home after 3.5 years abroad, feels like she havenīt had the time to develop A just this fast. Furthermore she has always said(until just recently) that she needs emotional connection for sex, itīs hard for me to think she has that created with anyone at back home just yet. Or maybe WW does not need the emotional connection for sex with OM, what do you think?
Before what I found this morning my wife had these classical WAW/WW/MLC symptoms: -Parties a lot more with younger co-workers or divorced friends -Plastic surgery -Tattoo below breasts -paying more attention to dressing/make-up -Works out intensively -Rebellious action/thoughts -lotīs at SoMe -protecting phone
We still get intimate (I initiate) once on a while (once a month?) when we have our date nights. Week ago we had date and were intimate and AFTER ML my wife mentioned she bought condoms since she didnīt have any other birth control ATM. I thought this was odd, since she never bought them before, but did not say anything. But still that made me thinking more the possibility of an A. So this morning I snooped a bit and found some sex toys from W closet, like BDSM collar and coc* ring!! Everything inside me turned upside down and my hands started shaking. I was about to call my W right away and confront her. BUT - she could say that she bought them for us (for date night) and I do not have other evidence. everything seemed used though, and definitely not by me.... Also, W NEVER bought anything like that in our M, actually we had VERY sex starved MR. That aspect actually hurts me even more if possible - that my W pushed me away for almost 15 years(due to lacking emotional connection), but then all of a sudden she would start to buy sex toys for extra martial relationship. Have anyone else experienced this?
What do you think, should I confront W with this evidence or wait for more? I think I could try to find the condoms and see if they are used, but most likely donīt find them... If I ask, guess W denies everything. Iīm pretty sure she has not told anyone of her friends either, so no benefit in asking them either. Would you recommend me to snoop more or wait that it comes up?
This is most hurtful thing ever happened if itīs true, might hurt even more that the fact my wants to leave...
I would be very thankful of any thoughts or similar experiences!
Last edited by Cadet; 02/25/1802:53 AM. Reason: threads merged
