Gordie #17: deliberately not divorced

[Sotto]

I agree with others about the fear, which does come through for me reading your situation. It's understandable of course and we've all been there. It's hard to embrace change and uncertainty, and I do think the reasons to go need to become strong enough to make that change.

It's a tough one for sure. My take is that I think your W felt things destabilising for her - felt you reclaiming your personal power when you decided it was time for you to leave - felt her own control of the situation diminishing. And did just enough and no more to deal with that situation and restabilise things for now.

Of course, you still have power and choice and may choose to exercise your choice at any time. But I think the advice to really focus on you - and on you moving solidly forwards - is good advice.

I know it must be tough to remain in the marital home. I didn't do that and life is easier in many ways if you make the choice to leave. People say after the event just how draining it is to cohabit in these circumstances. Hence the need to really focus on your own life and your own plans, which helps with detaching.

Best of luck with everything Gordie :-)