Gordie #17: deliberately not divorced

[AndrewP]

Gordie - You probably know by now that my view isn't the consensus view here. You get a lot of respect from me for being true to yourself and your morals. It's put you in a tough spot, one that perhaps is repeated in the many many stories here with yours having your own personal twist.

In addition to being a kind and compassionate man, you are probably one of the smartest that I've encountered. My own view is that you know full well the risks of both action and inaction. I think that if you asked either of us 4 years ago if we would have allowed ourselves to be locked in the stocks (not sure if you are familiar with the historical reference) to save our wives, we both would have said "of course".

I used my reference to #FortGordie fairly deliberately in a prior post. I see you as having knowingly gone back into the "enemy camp" because of both people who are important to you and concepts that are important to you. Look yourself in the mirror and be proud and don't let anyone here or elsewhere cause any doubts in your mind that you need to be "fixed". You are modeling what to me a man of honour and duty needs to do. I see this as a temporary thing though as I hope you do as well with temporary being subject to definition. You have learned the lessons. About boundaries. About reciprocity (hey - I spelled that right first try!). And about consequences. You and we know that your W hasn't. This is where you've gone off the map that most of us know.

One of the things that we are taught / told here is to not work to timelines. Things will take as long as they take. However as some others have suggested, you do also need to think about yourself and your own mental health. I've dug deep to try to think of what advice to give you on this but have come up dry. The only piece that I'll leave you with is a little phrase that I quite liked that I read elsewhere "The horse is dead - dismount". You're not there yet and perhaps the horse still has some legs.

Good luck - we're all here behind you even if we are all perhaps shouting conflicting advice.