A grateful heart..

[Sotto]

Hi ladies, thanks so much for your perspective, which I really appreciate. KML, I felt that your post helped me feel permission to carry on with something I did want to pursue.

Bright, hopefully this isn't your H - unless he moved to the UK??

Well, this has been an interesting experience for me. I decided I would gently dip a toe in and get to know this guy a little better. We went out a few times together in a group and I invited him over to mine with some friends a couple of weeks ago. We had a nice evening.

We also met for a drink and chatted for a few hours and had a hug and a quick peck on the lips at the end of that date. Following that, I heard on the grapevine that there was another (very nice) woman in our wider circle of friends who perceived he and she had a relationship that might be more than friends. Obviously a huge red flag for me.

I'm not really pleased about the outcome, but I am happy with myself, what I did and how I went about things. I contacted him and told him that I'd received this feedback and asked him about the circumstances. He said some stuff about they were friends and he had helped her move a piece of furniture. He had thought she might have an interest in him. They were in text contact. He had no romantic interest in her.

I said to him, it isn't okay for me that I'm being warned to be cautious about you after we have been out one time. He told me he felt a bit frustrated about friends who gossip and add stuff together into something that isn't.

I told him that for me it is important to be as honest and authentic as I can be and let people know where I feel we are at. I told him that I had enjoyed getting to know him a little and that I wouldn't want to take things further, given the feedback I had received. He said that nothing had changed for him and that he was enjoying getting to know me. He feels this lady may have misinterpreted his friendliness.

We finished the conversation and I thought about things. For me, I realise it is a complete non-starter to be pursuing any kind of romantic interest when that uncertainty surrounds it. That doesn't work for me at all. It's a non-negotiable. I told him that. I also let him know what I would need (and if I were giving the benefit of the doubt) - he would need to clarify to this friend that he and I have been seeing each other a little, that we are getting to know each other and there is a romantic interest there.

I told him that it is up him what he does, but if he chooses not to clarify, dating someone for me in those circumstances wouldn't work for me. I don't yet know what he will do with that - and really, I'm quite happy to walk away - and perhaps walking away would be best?

The good parts? I was briefly upset. Then I realised I would need to raise this either way. I raised it and we had a constructive conversation about it. I listened and I told him what would and wouldn't work for me. I also said that I may be hypersensitive about this area, and if so I own that.

So, within half an hour I had opened up the debate, been willing to have the conversation and also realise that I am quite willing to walk away. And also that my handling of things and how I feel about myself and my boundaries are the important things here. What he chooses to do or not do with all of that is up to him. I am quite willing to go back to being in friend zone within a wider circle of friends, having protected my heart, if that's how things unfold. And I feel calm and happy about my part and my response.

So, we'll see and I'll update. Xx