25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

Jim

To be clear, I'm done. And glad to be done.

Not holding his feet to the fire, b/c I literally had to borrow tens of thousands of dollars to pay my legal fees, and he will always out resource me.

My leverage is NOT his remarriage (God forbid I ever look as if I'm blocking him from his happiness)

it's that he'd have to spend the rest of his working life looking over his shoulder for another PI

but that was not cheap either. Lesson 1 - I think I should have hired the PI sooner

and LESSON 2

I basically did 90% of the legwork for my case. IF I'd known then what I know now, I'd have worked harder on it myself.

Not impressed with my lawyers. The "Global settlement" means it's ALL done and that I waive the right to pursue other things like legal fees, etc. But the overall amount went up and that was enough to cover parts of it. Global settlements tend to help the higher earner and IF I had more resources and more of my life time to spend on this, I would - but I don't. I'm done standing still but I'm not caving either.

Lesson 3 - I think that we are ALL supposed to do most of the legwork, to be honest. Saves US money and frankly, we know our spouses/cases better and a LOT of the people I meet in divorcecare who are down the road post divorce

tell me they did a lot of the paperwork and legwork and the rest, NOT their lawyers.

The most professional professional I "met" in this situation was my PI, whom I never physically met but hired up in Alaska. Man, he was on top of things and took photos and learned about the brand new truck (my L's did not know of it) --in 2 days.

Fact is ALL of my legal fees were charged or borrowed, and that put me at a huge disadvantage

which is what happens when you have a neurological event that impairs you. And I'm VERY Lucky to have family & friends from whom I could borrow that amount of money.

(I shake my head when I think of the people who don't have any resources...OMG we - WE ALL have to pay it forward when we can.)


I have financial security & I have okay health insurance for life.

It's true that - H gets to earn a gazillion dollars I helped him to earn,

(our son was 8 weeks old when h switched careers to go to medical school and even when I worked full time, h did what H wanted. It had nothing to do with whether I was earning money - my T helped me see this) - that's true.

AND I spent many years at home with our children thanks to h's income, so that I know their childhood friends and am in frequent contact with them

and I know my children know they are loved by their mother.

This knowledge comforts me greatly, b/c they have been deeply affected by this divorce, despite their age.


I'm okay. And doing well in MY LIFE, is what is best for THEM, in terms of what I can control.


ALSO I will write (at a minimum) an article about the experience. The same credit union that I've been a member of for 30 years, let my h block me from even accessing INFORMATION about the account, based on an un notarized paper, and when I brought the affidavit to show that I was impaired at the time, it made NO difference.

We Had to subpoena the information and even then they did not reveal the new truck that H bought through them (on his "retirement income", which was the same as mine and believe me, "we" would not qualify on that income and the rent he claims OW is charging him - almost exactly what I pay in rent). The PI is who discovered that.

There are 3 other officer's wives in my divorce care group who had the same problem with this military credit union (and I'm a veteran too, btw).


Spouses who take marital assets in an attempt to defraud the other, need to face an actual loss of assets.

The trump card h had that I did not expect was that he filed for "disability" from the VA and somehow got 80%. Included sleep apnea, a back problem and a knee problem.

The week before our trial - he got their rating and THAT was what my lawyers feared. They had a legit fear that a judge would say "oh, he's a disabled veteran, 25 gets no spousal support." etc.

you may recall I actually herniated a disk while active duty, and have metal in my leg but never felt that filing for disability was appropriate.

And H never once complained to me of a back injury. Ever. In 35 years....

and he hurt his leg last April playing racquetball. Society has evidently made a decision to feel good about itself by handing out money for BS claims

while short selling veterans in other bigger ways.

ANYHOW the divorce is going to be finalized any day now. No need to debate money now.

It's enough & I'm okay with the amount.

Sometimes when change is forced on us, it also makes it clearer that we ought to embrace it.