I have thought depression and I had all the blood tests, vit D was very low but is now much higher. It was 12 not 30 but is now 42 so in the normal range. I supplement B vets and omega.
My diet is superb but I am still in the overweight range despite having lost 55lbs and being a UK size 10-12 (US size 6). I was getting fitter and fitter, but aged pa being ill and hours of extra work have set me back. I have a very tiny body frame and overweight looks awful on it.
I don't have a light box, that's something I could think about. I do work and study with a daylight bulb though.
AntiDs had a paradoxical effect and made my anxiety worse, we tried three different types and sadly they didn't help. My doctors have diagnosed anxiety rather than depression and I think that's right as my cortisol level is very very high and I was tested for Cushions. Juicing and fasting does help. I gave up coffee, sugar and alcohol which also assisted. I am type 2 diabetic (genetic B37 variety and my SNPS show carb intolerance) in other words the insulin my body makes is left handed and not as functional.
Studying also helps me and I study at my gym which gets me out and about. Recently there was a problem with my course 4 of the students were caught cheating via a WhatsApp group and the course was suspended. That may mean it's uneconomic for the college to run as there are so few of us left, although the tutor for this phase is prepared to complete her section. That has got me down a great deal too. And means 5 exams are going to be crushed into a short period. Hi Ho!
I love dancing but feel unmotivated sometimes to go, I criticise my own efforts a lot. A great deal of negative self talk which I also tell myself off. I know better than that! So it's back to the drawing board with mindfulness and meditation. I also have the genes for endurance so building other than slow twitch muscle is almost impossible. This V was built to be athletic like aged pa.
I work for myself with my own business and I employ 9 people, so it's important I work very hard. The G stripped the business of all of its cash and left it heavily in debt, he keeps suing for this and that. I fight back but it's expensive, initially I paid him off and kept paying, it was a mistake. I was both frightened and intimidated although now I am not so much. Latest was a large sum he wanted because "you have taken the p*** in paying me and there was no redundancy money". I counter claimed for overpaid sums, unrepaid loans and destruction of business assets. When I have completed my course then I can self represent. I have joined the self represented litigants society.
I have a house mate, it's my clever nephew although he will soon move on to a new assignment. It was intended that aged pa would come when he left hospital, but that is not to be. I will decide soon what I want to do. The big house is up for sale although I would like one more year. The G was going to appeal his settlement but stupidly let time run out and it was dismissed.
Somehow I manage to sneak over the finish line by working long hours. I just want rid of the G. I want him gone, gone, gone. I want the silent calls stopped, the drive by my home, the endless legal action and demands for money. He sued because he and the BIT had no where to live and he had a housing 'need'. Like 25 I had a PI in Italy and found they were living in her house!
It's wearing and unnecessary. It's endless chap, it's distracting and it's costly to fight.
I am not D yet, the G objected to it because he thought he could blackmail me into giving him more cash. I can't unilaterally D him until May 2020 as he keeps objecting. It's just endless cr*p constantly. The trouble is I never know where the next legal attack is coming from. And it costs, costs, costs...........
The last spate had me going back to court to extend the non molestation order to keep him away from me. He sits outside the house and glowers at it. According to him and he haunts the village when he is in the UK, the fact he hasn't had a settlement 'to set him up' has stressed his R with the BIT, means he can't have a UK home and visit his family. He is going to 'pay me back for this'. This is because I am very rich lied to the court and deprived him. If only...........
On the other hand, his golf buddies tell me the G is pretending he has landed on his feet with the BIT! Which is it G, rich BIT or poor G?
Everyday seems like treacle sometimes.
Grief is the icing on the cake. I miss my aged pa every day.
One day at a time. On May 2 2018 certain deadlines will pass and I am expecting preemptive strikes by the G prior to that.
This is the worst period since I left in June 2014.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
