There were a few things I wish would've done differently. Not to save the M, but to be true to myself.
Self reflection is always good (an after action review now that the emotions have subsided). What you just went though is not for the faint of heart and everyone responds differently. Hopefully you learned some things about yourself that will be beneficial to you in the future.
FWIW.....I have no regrets and wasn't able to save my MR so don't be too hard on yourself.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/22/1809:13 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
J9, you've done an awesome job at DB'ing. I bow to you, sir! The fact that you couldn't save your M should be a sobering lesson for everyone.
What I'm about to say doesn't discount those here who've put in the hard work and saved their M's. But the LBS can really only have so much impact on the WAS. It's ultimately the WAS that decides if the M can be saved. The best DB'ing in the world will not change their heart once it's hardened.
DB'ing has a secondary purpose - to save the LBS, to make them stronger so they can survive the ordeal and come out with a sense of purpose. The secret of this place is, this is really the primary purpose.
On another note, my court appointment today has been postponed because there are issues with some of my documents. I really want this to be over.
Time for a new thread soon.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Going to quibble about one thing: the WAS decides if they want to save the M but SO DOES THE LBS. Look at the stories here. Storm chaser, Blu, TxHubby are good examples. They ended up in piecing and all of them either decided to walk away themselves or seriously considered it at some point.
Don’t give all of this power to your ex. Yes, she ultimately decided not to try t save the M and that’s that... but if she HAD decided to it would have taken tremendous work by BOTH of you to do it. And you’d probably have gotten tired of it yourself at some point and seriously questioned whether or not you wanted it.
Keep that thought in mind: YOU have a say in this. Even after divorce it’s not over for you until YOU say it is.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/23/1808:22 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
East, you are absolutely right. The LBS does have the power to end it as well.
My point was that, even the perfect DB'er can't save their M if the other spouse doesn't want it.
In the beginning of my sitch, I felt so defeated every time I screwed up. I wish I could go back to that poor suffering guy and tell him not to sweat the small stuff. All those things probably never made any difference in the end. The time I spent spinning over her words, expressions, and texts should have been spent on me instead.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Thanks H....but like you said the spouse has to want it as well or it won't matter. I am grateful though that I saved myself......I just didn't get the added bonus!
