I can't help but be hopeful, since she agreed to IC. The MC/IC is sort of a mediator between the two of you. I can see how that would be beneficial.

Your W may have already told the IC about the beach trip, and that could be why she is asking you these questions. For example, if your W and OM had sex......do you want to know the worst, or could you live happier without knowing? How would it affect your interactions with your W? How would it affect your attitude and feelings toward her? I doubt you would really know, until it happens.

In my case, my H had read my computer conversations to the OM. And they were more than just a little steamy! He said his chest hurt like a heart attack. And, his health did start going downhill afterwards. I won't lie, it was hard for me to look at him, knowing that he had read everything. I wish with all my heart he had not seen it, but most of all, I wish I had never written it. As Coconut said, it can't be unseen or unheard once it's out there.

I don't think I will ever forget a LBW that was here a short time. (However, I have forgotten her name). Her H had an affair, and he ended it and reconciled with the W. She wanted to know everything about the A, and he agreed to answer all of her questions. But after she heard it, then she couldn't let it go. Her head was filled of images of her H and the OW. No matter what we said, she just couldn't deal with it. The affair was over, her H was back home, but she was the one who was tearing them apart at that point. (Some may say, no it was the H's actions that tore them apart, but you know what I mean). She left the board and we never heard anymore. It just seemed like a very sad ending, to me.

Perhaps your W feels you could not get past it, if you knew everything. She may see it as a no-win answer that will cause more damage. From what you've said about her, I can see her rationalizing how it would be a back set, and how it would be best to just press forward. IDK, I'm only guessing, but I feel that the counselor either knows....... or else she uses this line of questioning with every couple healing from an affair. And it makes sense that she would use the same format when approaching this subject.

I think you've thought about this a lot. You are the only one who knows what you can live with.......and it not affect your peace and happiness in your MR. The counselor is a professional, and based on what she has seen to be successful or failure, could be her purpose for focusing on the future instead of opening up what has already happened.

Well, I've used a lot of "maybes" today. I don't seem to be offering much, but I wanted to respond to your update. ((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!