I don't want a divorce

[cat04]

The dictionary's definition of gaslighting is "to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity"

Wikipedia defines it as "a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity."

An article in Psychology Today describes it as "a deliberate pattern of manipulation calculated to make the victim trust the perpetrator while doubting his or her own perceptions or sanity, similar to brainwashing."

This is not what is happening here based on what Kitcat has written.

Her H may be rewriting history a bit. He may even be outright making things up to fit his reality. Or to him, he may be describing his reality of things that have built up over time.

No one has said he was the perfect H, just like no one said she was the perfect W. Hence the saying "it takes two to tango."

These two, have definately done the dance. They have each been guilty of not listening to each other, not meeting each other's needs, and of other things that have damaged their relationship I am sure.

But gaslighting....not something that I believe happened and I don't think we should be trying to convince Kitcat of it. We should be trying to help her find her footing so she can make her own decisions.