Not sure what to do. . .can anyone help?

[mbe76]

In terms of 180s

I will repeat the affirmation that I am a better man through small consistent actions.

I will no longer do things to try and please her.

Until she genuinely make an effort to seem to want to save the M then I will not pursue her anymore.

I have set about defining some GALs I have signed up for a emotional wellness group for myself and a local families need fathers group

I will be pleasant but not overly talkative- I struggle with this as I am usually the talkative/ funny jokey one!

I will focus on the stuff in my life which is working (I have lost 2 stones in weight through diet and exercise while she is stuffing her face with comfort food)

I will enjoy every moment with my children and schedule activities with them- with or without her

I will keep myself busy- not allow myself to wallow in self pity and morose. This might be things like reading or even practical things that need doing around the house.

I will persevere and stick through thick and thin and if she wants to allow her resentment to bubble over then I will be calm and kill her with kindness.

I will do all this in the hope that she will take notice but I will NEVER ask her if she has noticed as she is the type who will spot the fakeness a mile off.

As for boundaries, I really need to read up a lot more on the language to use- I assume most of you people are in the US right? Well I am in the UK so I get the phrases may be *slightly* different

Finally I want to convey a message that I am ready to move on with or without her.

I am off to do some more reading about boundaries and how to communicate them, in terms of setting boundaries here is what I have set so far:

If she does want to salvage our marriage she must cut all contact with OM (yet I know for sure she is still friends with him on fb!)

She must not disrespect me in our M

She must not criticize or belittle me in front of the children ANY talk of our R or M must not be in front of them

When at her parents (who despise me) she must not discuss any M problems while the children are there (when I spoke with her about this she started having a go and told me to f** o**

Things I havent yet discussed:

She must never again take the children for sleepovers at GPs without discussing it with me first

She must understand that the situation we are in is fraught and that she needs to be patient and not talk to me in an angry manner (as I will definitely not get angry anymore)


Any feedback gratefully received as ever!