You know J, I already feel pretty good and regaining my personal identity. It has been a process but I am feeling quite good now. I think that emotional wreckage couple of weeks ago was a needed jab for me to not slack off the personal work.
TBH, I am feeling really really good today. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I like the skin I am in and what my values are. I am also feeling quite unaffected by W's raging and all of that.
I see her trying to grow a new skin and persona and it looks really fake. I think I see the type of person she wants to be, but it's quite inauthentic right now and maybe she'll grow into it and be that person. But, right now, I don't want to be with who she is. Also, I don't want to be with a rager who has no self-awareness lol.
I think I am truly seeing that life will be bright. I was trying to fake that but I can genuinely say that I am at a place that is peaceful and zen. I wish W all the best, but I don't want to have any part in what's going on with her. As long as kids are doing well with her, that's all that matters to me.
I was a bit sad to see how she talked to me the other night, just because it showed me that she's not done any personal work and grown. She's still stuck in that anger and rage and blameshifting. So I know she has a long road ahead for her personal recovery. That's why I am done because the path she has to walk is long and I don't think she's going to start on it any time soon. I am not waiting around. Not because I want to start dating, but I want to be in this world in a free way.
I am still sticking to my June timeline so no hasty steps, but I am feeling really good about who I am and what my values are. I wish her happiness and the best, but this is truly her loss. We could've built something new and strong.
