And still struggling

[Jim1234]

S17 turns 18 on Saturday. (He's throwing himself a party at W's house. I've given him money for drinks, snacks, decorations, etc., but won't let him have the kinds of parties at my house that W will.)

My daughter has plans tomorrow night, so I gave him a birthday dinner at my house tonight. I invited W and S17s godparents to dinner, and two good friends of ours for cake, and he asked if two of his friends could come. Of course I said sure.

It went well. I told people to come at 7, we chatted for half an hour while I finished things up, sat down 10 minutes later than I expected. Dinner was really good. Good food, lively, pleasant conversation, delicious cake. At the end of the evening people were trickling out. W got up to leave, said a very pleasant goodbye, and left. Spent a little time cleaning up, and now the house looks great again.

And I feel good. It was well planned, I did well with the food and cake, and feel pretty disassociated from W. She came over, saw the house neat and clean, ate tasty food, served on time (!), saw me happy. I did not pursue her, and was very cavalier when she left. The best part is, I don't care very much about anything I just said.

I stopped by S17's godparents yesterday afternoon for a bit, and we got to talking about W. They don't understand her anymore any better than I do, but they confided that, in talking to our children, it seems like W isn't doing very well. I care, but just kind of shrugged my shoulders. Not my problem anymore.

I'm still a little bit bitter, and still a little bit angry, but it's getting much better.