I cut back on the weights and eventually worked through it and started adding weight again and am now at new maxes (210% my bodyweight on deadlifts!) and pain-free. It's definitely a balancing act.
That's awesome man. Yeah, my goal would be similar as well. Get the form right, do stretches and make sure take the time for recovery, and keep adding the weight.
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That's where I was at your point too. Wasn't sure one way or the other. Now it's a definite "no". For various reasons, that ship has sailed. I still have feelings for my XW and look back fondly on our years together. But recon? Not interested.
Ha ha! I totally get that. I think I am very close to the 'no' zone and the D territory. I'll explain below.
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I think you are probably doing a lot better than you think you are
I think so too. I had this attractive woman flirt with me this morning as I got my coffee and for the first time I had a relaxed conversation with her. I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. In the past I would've shut it down, but I am getting more comfortable with the 'husband' identity being shed.
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But you've got a lot of inner strength and character that shows through here and it will carry you through this and you will come out of it as an unstoppable force. That's not a prediction, I know it will happen whether you know it yet or not
Thanks AS! I appreciate the kind feedback. Sometimes it's hard to see if you've gotten stronger and improved, but I know I have and the time to take baby steps and reflect and act has been helpful.
So, in terms of me saying that I am closer to the 'no' & D zone is because I had a short interaction with W today and it didn't go so well. Basically, she's still got the same level of anger as I remember during BD. I hadn't done anything wrong and needed to chat with her about some kid stuff, which she twisted around and made it about something it was not.
I kept my cool and calm and just ended the convo after we finished discussing what it was. Despite NC/dark and giving her all the space in the world, she hasn't even gone down a grade in her anger. She had told me once after BD that it will take years for her to get past all of this.
Every time I've had a conversation with her, which have only been a handful in the past few months, she has always turned them around into something they're not and raged at me in some way.
So, this tells me that she's not taken any accountability for her actions and is still raging and blaming me for everything. I really don't see why I would want to be with her anymore. Today's convo just turned me off even more.
She needs to work through her anger and see someone professionally. She has a host of issues that she needs to deal with and she hasn't. I am not waiting around for years for her to figure this out. I am moving on and doing the best I can for myself and the kids.
I know this takes time, but no change in anger or her approach to conversations. I am just going to not engage over the phone. Keeping it strictly to texting and over serious business that needs to be discussed.
She just comes across as this hateful person who hasn't done anything to be self-critical and hold herself accountable and responsible for her actions. It's just so unattractive and I am done with it.
