-Being attentive and present when home, but not following her around. Not trying to engage her in conversation. Not trying to get her attention. (Again, believe or not this has been going well until my slip up this morning.)
The best way that I have seen this described is...
Aloof, yet available.
I lived 2 and a half years with an MLCer. And living on the edge of destruction every minute will drive you insane.
Aloof, yet available was my best way through...
Originally Posted By: Steve85
-Getting into IC. Right now we are in MC but I am trying to end that. I don't think her heart is into it. However, I feel that due to my unplugged ways prior to BD I need to tread lightly here. I got some advice to say "I am ending MC because I think it is a waste of time right now. I will be continuing with IC because a lot has happened and I need to process all of it." But I also got advice that as long as she is willing I should continue MC.
I would like to see you find a way (new words) to phrase this. And although actions are what are important, words still hurt...
Also find a way to phrase this so that you aren't trying to fix her, control her, or in any way try to persuade her...
Kinda like....
Hey, I am wondering if the MC is working for you ? Because I feel that I would benefit more from just IC right now.
However, if you feel that you are benefiting from MC, then I will gladly continue that as well...
I would appreciate your thoughts on this...
Originally Posted By: Steve85
My biggest failing is what others on this board struggle with: Not reacting when she says mean or hurtful things. I need to grow a turtle shell and let it bounce off. And practice my validation language.
Validation is nothing more than listening and understanding what you have heard.
Validation is showing (actions) that she, and her thoughts, are important to you.
Validation is listening without the intent of control, judgement, blaming, or manipulation...
