When everyone first arrives to the board all of their focus is on getting their spouse back. In time you will stop hanging on to every word they say, you will stop analyzing everything they do and every mood they are in. Doing that is exhausting, trying to control them is exhausting as well. The quicker you can accept this and implement the quicker you will heal.
If you hang around long enough you will get to the point to where you don't really give a $hit and if they ever come back you can take it or leave it. If you put in the time and do the work you will become more focused on yourself and the progress you are making individually. You will become stronger and you will no longer view your W the same way you did before.
When I first came to the board I spent hours upon hours reading old sitch's trying to soak in as much information as I could. I came across the following sentence from an experienced vet that really helped me.
"Those who try the hardest to save their marriage have the least success"
