Thanks for helping me formulate a good response. I'm going to practice it out loud today so it feels natural when I say it and not forced.
I'm not acting out of guilt but mostly regret. He says that I really filled a void in him and was very good to him at one time. He interpreted my actions to mean I did not want him even though I verbally told him I did many times over. I really want him to see that the girl he married is still here and she realizes that when she pulled away because of her own insecurities that he only felt his own rejection.
So its regret.
And, its hard. Its so very hard when he says he will never let me back in because he never will allow himself to be hurt like that ever again. Its so hard not to think its permanent... forever.
Just this week he said his defenses are WAY up. They are so high up that there is no way I can penetrate them right now. Does that mean in time? I mean what I hear is that ok - go slow its not impossible its just not right now. But, that's me hanging on to symantecs and I have to learn to let that go.
Its clear that my husband is definitely better at detaching than I am. That's where he is at right now. In his words - he is burnt out.
