Reading your thread, I think it is great that you have identified several things you have contributed to this breakdown and recognized the need to change. But I also get the impression that you are beating yourself up over these things. That is counterproductive. Don’t use self-guilt to drive change, use being a better you as the driver. Maybe I’m reading things wrong, but that is what I picked up on.
Given that, I want you to use everything I say below as learning and not as something about which to be guilty.
I’m not sure if it is the threads I tend to read, but there is a lot of discussion about the WW who has become resentful. There seems to be a lot less discussion of the rejected WH (if anyone reading has good threads of this that I’ve missed, please add a link to them in KitCat’s thread to help her). And right or wrong, your H feels rejected. And like resentment leads to disrespect in a WW, rejection leads to anger in a WH.
And this situation makes DBing a fine line. You want to give WH time and space, work on detachment, GAL, and improving you, but you don’t want to make WH feel like this is further rejection. That will mean a lot of “I heard what you said about wanting to be alone and I’m trying to give you time and space for that. That isn’t what I want, but I will respect your need for this.” And given he is now pulling away from your touches, stop. If you want to reciprocate when he initiates, then do so.
The boyfriend comments are his insecurities. Don’t blow them off. Something like “WH, I would never do that. I believe in my vows and our marriage.” Or whatever words you would use (unless you would have a boyfriend, but I don’t think you’d be here if that was the case.)
The coffee tonight is a good time for trying the time and space comment above.
And as others have said, slow down and learn patience. This is gonna last a while.
